I guess it's time, i have a spare minute.
I had quite the break in posting, haven't i?

Let's just say that everything is going rather nice so far, 2016 hasn't failed me yet.
I feel as if everything is working out for me lately,
I'm putting in effort in college,
I have 4 offers from universities,
I have amazing friends,
A cool bean that is all i could ever ask for,
A supporting family, have i mentioned they found out about my 'secret dating'? They bombarded me with a thousand of questions about him, i could literally see in the corner of my eye Pawel having the time of his life as my parent squeeze information out of me.

Sometimes it's just good to take a step back and live in the moment.
I felt like spending some time by myself today, after we had guests over in the morning i ate my breakfast at like 1 pm and decided to do some coursework, it felt good.
Accomplishing something feels really good.

I'm helping my mum cook chinese today, should be fun.

Peace out.

P.S: Rice noodles are life.

She sat there staring at her bedroom wall.
Her head buzzing with thoughts,
that soon turned into silence.
Even with that knot feeling in her stomach,
She felt numb.
She felt nothing and everything at once.

But she knew that won't last long, it never does.

Peace out.

I've been feeling happy again, sure not everything is going as planned but that doesn't bother me as i feel at peace.
It's nice to feel like this once in a while.
Even though college stresses me out a bit too much these days and i have too much work to do, i don't feel opressed.
I have amazing people around me and life is just really nice.
Now back to my biology assignment...

Peace out.

where the dead lie, i feel alive.

we made our way up the hill to see a laminated piece of paper with a red 'murderer' as a heading,  below that a photo of a man with a scar running across his eye.

he jokingly said: "okay lets go now" turning around and starting to walk downhill.
"no wait, it's fine" i laugh under my breath and pull him along
we continue walking down a slippery alleyway, and reach the cemetery.

we walk in circles as im trying to remember where the perfect spot is. i used to come here often at the beginning of college, when everything was so simple.

we reach the old church, and sit down. the view is there, it just doesn't feel like i remembered.

a woman passes by saying hello, apparently it's a popular spot.

then it hits me, instead of up we have to make our way down.
the fact that mud was everywhere didn't help, i would love to go there in summer or when it gets a little warmer and see the trees in bloom.

we sat down on a wooden bench with an amazing view over houses and hills, the pain was worth it.

it was really calming, like we were detached (or should i day tached xD) from everything else going on and focusing on us.
it was a nice change of scene.

in other words, my day was awesome.

peace out dudes.

My Sunday morning.

sunlight rays hit my eyes from the gaps between the curtains and wake me up.

i decide that today is a perfect day to go out and spend the morning on my own.

it was one of those crisp mornings that look nice but feel freezing.
i made my way to the isolated park and sat on the morning dew speckled grass under the tree.
i open the book and enter another world, a reality that i am not part of yet feel mentally engaged in the events that follow in it as the characters are so alive.

i sat there for quite some time, my cold fingers gripping the pages inhaling the chilly air.

enjoy life.

peace out.

Sleepy head.

i sleep way too much lately, it's kind of this thing where i don't know what to do with myself so i just kinda wrap myself in a blanket and wait for sleep to take over.

I guess i needed that after being tired all the time. I'm going to be productive and do my biology refferal today, i need to get a grip when it comes to coursework.

i can't wait to buy the book, im not taking Pawel with me because i sort of need some alone time right now.

Peace out.

Uni, here i come!

So like, im super happy.
I'm so happy i could hug Sohaila! (my physics teacher)
I sent off my uni applications on Wednesday aaaaanddd...
I got 2 university offers so far (one unconditional) and i'm still waiting for the remaining 3, i honestly didn't think i would get any due to sending it off really late.
Well, past the college deadline anyways.
It just feels like everythings working out for the moment and i couldn't be happier.
Can't wait to tell my parents.

Peace out, life's good.

The point of no return.

I haven't written anything proper in a while so i guess it's time for that now.
Whenever i post from my phone the posts are short and very informal in some way, but when i sit down at my desk and open up my laptop i feel like my posts have a different feel to it.
I'm just going to dive straight in.

I fear the future, i fear being left behind and pushed away.
I fear of being a disappointment, not being enough.
In general fear and self-doubt have taken my life over for a while.
The start of this school year was the worst time for me mentally, especially with everyone talking about UCAS and just future plans.
I felt like bursting out in tears whenever someone mentioned next year, people around me had life figured out and then there was me.
I felt useless and just plain incapable of achieving anything.
Being clueless about your future is the worst feeling i've come across, honestly it gets you paranoid and just over-thinking every decision you make.
These kind of feelings faded a bit now, it's not as bad as it used to be.
is it because i have given up? is it because it's gotten to the point where i don't care anymore?
I don't know, but what i do know is that i am fed up of feeling so pathetic and fed up of crying so much as it's very emotionally draining and makes me feel so fed up with myself.

You have no idea how long it took me to put this into words, i haven't mentioned everything as i don't feel as if now is the right time to talk about it.

Enjoy your day (or night in my case), peace out.

life is good.

you know when you just have those great people in your life and you're just thinking:
'what did i ever do to deserve you?'

it's just insane how happy i am at this point, everything just feels so put together.

I'm going to post later today, peace out for now.

Feel Good Inc.

i honestly am so blessed with the people in my life.
seriously i feel so happy and full of life, i just love people you know.
i rarely have this type of mood but since yesterday morning i've felt so much better.

side note: i've had an amazing day.
the amount of junk food i've eaten today is unreal xD but it was worth it as Trevor is like my all time fave person to eat custard doughnuts with.

i better get to writing,  time is running out and i have so much stuff to do.

peace out famalams.

golden treasure chest.

yesterday i wasn't feeling too good, i honestly was so tired of everything.
i skyped the dork and that made me feel better.

today was different, i had 7 hours of sleep but i woke up refreshed for some reason.
it was my mum's birthday so we went out to a coffee shop and spent a good hour drinking coffee and taking as a family.
after that i went to hobbycraft, i had tears in my eyes because the store is just so beautiful everywhere you look is just art and craft heaven.
i bought gold paint and a small treasure chest i can paint.
it's time for some DIY and i already painted it over with the first layer of paint, it looks good so far.

isn't it great when you find something that actually calms you down, you just let your brain focus on getting something done and you just forget about everything else for a while.

im thinking about keeping my letters in there but im not sure yet.

i hope you are good, peace out.