Wilting Sunflowers.

Hey there fellow readers. (And you Steven, i like your hair btw.)

I hope you're doing good, because i am not.
But Agata.. people have it even worse than you, stop complaining!

Yes, it's true i could be for example starving or running away from my homeland by boat.

But sometimes you just got to think about your own situation, and i don't know where i'm going in life and fear is slowly making a big comeback.
Do you believe that flowers can reflect a persons well-being? Because let me tell you, those sunflowers are wilting, winter is coming.

I'm not doing anything about it if i whine all the time, struggle is there for me to take care of it and eventually conquer.

I am in fact taking things into my own hands, i'm going to give it everything i've got. (at least that's the plan)

I managed to catch up on gravity falls today, thought that cartoon can't get any better? well, i was clearly wrong.

Favourite Quote: "When i have a child, i'm going to name it: Grenda 2: The sequel"

I am doing this thing where I'm recording my lessons for Mehwish who's away. She literally gave me her mum's phone to look after. Her last words were: "Agata I trust you." Wow.
The phone went dead in Chemistry but i think i managed to film my chemistry teacher dancing, which is something i can look forward to seeing.

I am glad that my posts interest you Amelia, but I need research first before writing a blogpost about our class. I am a bit pumped about the idea, but at the same time i don't want to throw shade at anyone as that are not my intentions.
Will definitely try to be diplomatic about it. Just not right now.

I know i change topics really quickly, but do you ever just get a cringe attack? Like out of nowhere thought like: "Oh remember what you did a year ago, that was so embarrassing. How can you live with yourself."
Yup, that happens often. I have 2 reactions to it:

1) Giggle under my breath/ big-ass smile into thin air.
2)Cover face with hands and contemplate my life choices.

As I said, hope you had a good day. Even if you didn't, There's always tomorrow.

Peace out.

Objective view of rain and bizarre screaming incident.

Did i ever mention how i love the smell of air after it rains? It's just something about the freshness and coolness that makes me feel alive.

On my way from college i noticed that someone grows legit sunflowers in their front garden, they are simply majestic. It's like they don't care about all of the other little pretty delicate flowers, they're being themselves and that's what i like about them. They seem happy. I know it sounds odd to think that they have a conscious mind, but i'm just like that.

I was reading a book and something just occurred to me; All of these book (or movie for that part) characters are finding their true love at 16/17 years of age and i'm just here like: "I'm not even sure what to eat for breakfast." You get me?
I don't think people need significant others at such a young age, call me old fashioned but I personally don't even know what I want to do in life, let alone have a boyfriend. How does one obtain a boyfriend anyway? It's just such a complicated process, I would rather admire from afar.

Anyway the post was supposed to be about my day..

Incident 1: 
I got to Wembley Central at like 20 mins to 10am as i had a lesson at 11am. And i looked at the display board when i noticed that there was no 182 showing at all. I got a bit irritated and confused. I was just thinking that i should probably wait a bit because i haven't got money on me to get the train.
May i add it was raining, and once the screen said that the 182 is 'due' I just walked from under the bus shelter to the edge of the pavement.
I waited there another 2 minutes and It happened so fast i didn't even know what was happening.
A car was speeding and literally splashed me from head to toe in dirty road-puddle water, not even exaggerating! I had water on my cheeks and my whole coat was soaked including my phone which was in the pocket.
Everyone from the bus stop (and may i add there was plenty of people there) was just looking at me, so i decided to play it cool and act as if that never happened but i was so pissed.
Another car. This time only splashed my jeans. I let that one slide thrugh as my bus came.
Guess what? It didn't stop. I had to wait another minute for the one behind it.
Of course terminated half an hour from my college, how lucky?
At least i wasn't alone because Sarah joined me there by accident.

My coat was dry by the time we finished running to the lesson, a minute late but unnoticed.

Incident 2:
Now this is a very bizarre experience..
We had a 2 hour break so we made our way to the shopping centre to eat.
We came back by bus and then crossed the road to get to college.
Our whole gang walking on the pavement, i was at the very edge from the side of the road.
Suddenly I hear a loud scream right next to my ear, it was so frightening that I jumped up and screamed myself.
I looked around in panic, it took me a few second to realise that whoever that was in the pick-up truck that went pass me must've done it on purpose.

Like who even does that? Just scream at random college students from your car window?

I started to feel kind of upset, i started thinking about uni and coursework, which made all my positive energy just somehow escape from my body.
I felt like a depressed limp noodle, but instead of telling people what's wrong i just said "I'm tired." Which works every time.

Peace out for now, hope you're a Sunflower.

Is it really possible to know anyone?

That question got me thinking.
We only think we know our close friends or even family.

But there's no way you tell them about everything there is about you, then why should they?

Ok, for example. I know Trevor. I love Trevor in fact, but is it really possible that i know her fully? I'm a 100% sure that there are major things that she hasn't even brought up in a conversation, things to do with her and her life.

How do i know this? It's because I don't tell her a lot of stuff. Mostly not intentionally of course but you know what i mean?

Do you really know your parents? Do you care to find out?

Another example: I knew my grandparents all my life but only on my recent holiday I found out stuff from their earlier years. Did you know that their wedding photo was taken a week after they got married? of course you didn't.

I like doing mental research on people.
Trust me it's nothing odd, i assure you.

I like taking note of how people rect to certain things and their facial expressions and just collect mental facts about them whenever possible.

It's easier to read their body language and guess their reactions or for that matter answers.

I can't help the fact that i am curious and observant.

Peace out and extract information from people whenever you can, you never know what you might find out.

Butt to ground contact.

I am really trying to find myself some new hobbies.

I attempted roller-skating at Gunnersbury Park on Saturday.
To be honest i wasn't exactly sure how it will turn out as the last time i have roller-skated was when i was in year 5 or 6.
The fact that my dad put on WD-40 on the wheels didn't help as there was practically no friction on them.

I forgot everything, i didn't know how to slow down or stop while skating on a straight concrete path.. I help onto Peter's arm for my dear life and he kinda pulled me around.

He got annoyed soon after and told me to figure it out by myself as he wants to walk around without my nails digging into his skin. So he left me there.

I find being thrown into the deep end as the best method of learning for me.
I was only dependant on myself and i succeeded.

More or less. Let's just say to the point where i could skate around freely by a pond without falling into it. And being able to control the skates better than Pawel. (He fell like 5 times, and i should've recorded each one as they were truly hilarious.)
I'm not saying i don't make mistakes, there was about 3 occasions i thought that i am going to hug the ground but i caught my balance in time. And of course I fell down towards the end of the day, on slippery grass.
Like literal butt to ground contact, My legs flew in the air and i sat down on the grass with such impact i couldn't feel my lungs for a few seconds.

Learning new things is always worth it, take risks people and you will be rewarded.

Peace out.

Hellos & Goodbyes.

Totally get you Trevor. So many people I miss. (Have a letter for you btw)

Actually today when i was walking out of college, Mariam said: "Are you going to miss me, guys?"

I was just thinking, every time i get to actually know a fantastic person it's already time to move on with life. It's really not ok.

The amount of spectacular people that I am not going to see probably for the rest of my life.
You could use the argument "Stay in touch." but for me when someone is not physically seeing me just fades away in this distant memory of their self as i remembered them.

Life eventually gets you busy, so busy you don't get to meet up with people you care about.

I want to be alone, i don't get much privacy.
But when i do, I feel lonely. Not lonely in a physical sense.
I just long for someone to talk to, none of that nonsense about UCAS or just goofing about. Not saying it's not great because it is.. Just saying that I get enough of that at college.

I want to talk with people that can actually hold up an intellectual conversation with me. By intellectual I mean a conversation full of life. Not just empty and presumably 'funny' words being thrown around.
Something for me to remember.

Peace out.

Stressed Pigeon.

Ever feel like that lonely, grumpy pigeon that sits on a chimney during a chilly morning, trying warm up.. looking miserable while he's at it?
That's me right there.

I feel like growing up is just too much pressure, it's not that I'm irresponsible or somehow 'immature'.
Doesn't the idea of independence scare you a bit? I love independence, don't get me wrong.
It's just independence in the context of life that's very foreign to me.
I always depended on my parents.
Now, BAM I have to apply for a uni and get a student loan and then pay for accommodation and so on.
I guess starting on my personal statement calms me down a bit. 

So there was this situation. During lunch we were sat in the library doing work and then a guy from my class comes and we start discussing courses we want to do. I said I wanted to do BioChemistry. And then he proceeds to say this:
"I originally wanted to be a doctor, but when i narrowed it down I looked at Biomedical sciences and biochemistry. Then I realised that all they do is just a lot of research and completing a course like that will not get you a job where you help people first hand. So I decided that Radiology is something I would want to do. Because you get to have that human to human contact"

I was just kind of there like.. that's so true. I will end up in a reasearch or analysis lab, when what I want to do is help people. Have just first hand communication with them.

It's just so difficult to choose what you want to do with life at the age of 17.


Our local Sainsbury's is opening after refurbishment, tomorrow at 9am.
*'Celebration Time' song in the background*
It's been closed for a week, mum was panicking about the shortage of milk in my household.
It's all good now, i can reunite with my beloved supermarché.  
Why does French make everything sound nice and gracious?

Anyway, I have Psychology & Physics homework. 

Peace out. Or "Bien, paix!"

Isle of Wight- Camp experiences. (this is not finished but still a handful to read, thought i owe you this asap. Will update tomorrow.)

Very professional title. I like it. specific and straight to the point.
I'm going to break it down for you into segments. Just so you don't get confused. I tend to ramble on and mix stuff from different events together. So honestly, it's so that i don't get confused.

Day 1: Saturday
The Arrival 
As soon as i got onto the ferry i was dreading it, i wanted to go back. as soon as i could. I was prepared to swim all the way back to Southampton. I'm always anxious to meet new people. It gets to the point where i will feel sick and dizzy. A whole week spent with strangers. I will be dependent on strangers. How cold my parents ever do something like that to me?
I wasn't alone of course. Martyna, Pawel, David and Daniel came with us.
I wasn't close with Martyna or anything, that's the thing. We talked but i didn't ever get a chance to KNOW her properly.
But this week she was stuck to me like glue and i didn't mind the slightest bit.

My first impressions: Wasn't what i expected. If only i knew what i expected. There was one massive tent with 2 big portacabins attached (kitchen and bathroom along side was a little building with staff toilets and a laundry room). Then there was approximately 3 tents for junior boys, 4 tent for senior boys, and 4 tents for senior girls. (All of the junior girls seemed to sleep in their own tents with their parents because staff had separate tents). Martyna & I got assigned to Senior Girls Tent number 3 .
We unpacked and set ourselves up, and left off to explore the site.
Turned out majority of people arrived a bit later so our little group of 5 was just hanging out on the grass.

Soon i came to the realisation that  I was one of the oldest campers, in fact Martyna, Me and This guy Owen and I think 2 other girls were the only 17 year olds there. Keep in mind that was out of MANY people.
I sort of wish that I found out about the camp a little bit earlier.

I was literally exhausted. This is due to the fact that on Saturday i literally got home from holidays in Poland at past 3am, and had to wake up at 6am to pack up and set off t the camp Keep in mind that i haven't slept for the whole Friday-Saturday night because i was on the bus. And it's virtually impossible to sleep on a bus to a noise sensitive person.

3 more girls joined us in the tent. And let me tell you they packed giant suitcases compared to ours. They probably had assigned 2 outfits per day. My suitcase onle contained 7 shirts and 3 pairs of trousers.
So with 5 people in the tent we got a little squashed up, but i didn't really mind that.

After the evening meeting we sat down on a bench and then David comes with these other 3 guys and they just randomly show off their music skills. Which quickly turned into a whole camp-rock experience. (whoever hasn't watched 'Camp Rock' needs to watch it this minute) We were sitting in a circle singing songs in the dark of the night (there was a light coming from the massive tent which illuminated just enough to play) To my surprise the guys have really beautiful voices, like wow. I was blown away at how talented these people are.
Our little circle attracted more people and soon the numbers doubled. It was very soothing and a new experience that i am glad i experienced. We sat there for a good hour until one of the mentors told us to go to bed.

They say the first night at a camp is the worst and i will never disagree with the statement, in fact, i can prove it.
I stayed up all night sitting on my mattress my body shaking. Wishing i was someplace elsewhere I rocked back and forth in my thin sleeping bag. Martyna woke up to the sound of my chattering teeth and looked at me sleepily and then widened her eyes when she realised it was me. I chuckled under my breath as she went back to sleep. (she didn't remember this in the morning)

Day 2:
Loners
Unable to feel my feet i got up at 4am to shower.
With every step to the bathroom i felt a chill go through me. Luckly we had a tent that was the closest to the showers. The amount of moths and bugs was just truly unbelievable.

After the shower i got dressed and returned to the tent Martyna threw an look at me and accused me of not waking her up early to shower. We made a pact that we will wake each other up early to avoid congestion in the morning showers.
We were ready at 5am. Watching the sun Rise






Day 7: Saturday
Saying our goodbyes
It was a lazy day, simply because there was no activities planned and everyone knew they have to return home. On one hand i couldn't wait, on the other i wouldn't mind staying a bit longer.
They broke down the swimming pool (hay stacks) on the floor which made a big clump of hay so I decided to rest a bit because, surprise surprise.. the mattresses were not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, literally every morning when i woke up i was aching with my every move.

I slept in the hay for a good half an hour without even realising i was. It felt so nice. The smell of hay is my life,of course Pawel always has to ruin things for me. He woke me up so that i help pick rubbish up from the camp site, I was like: 'What have i ever done to you?'
After hard work we drank lemonade, it was the best lemonade i have ever tasted.
 

Of course it wouldn't be Pawel if he didn't leave his mattress and sleeping bag on the table, which a while later it was nowhere to be seen. The people from Watford must've mistaken it for theirs as they packed things in bulk. His fault.

After packing up our stuff and taking down our tent me and Martyna decided to chill in the hay.
And that was probably the most honest conversation i had in a while. We talked like old friends, she opened up and told me all about her problems. And i was just thinking how blessed i am to be in a situation i am in. I always think about what i don't have but it made me realise what i do have is far more precious.

When David and Daniels dad arrived, well i will be honest with you. I literally didn't want to leave.
Seeing as we had plenty of time till the ferry departure we headed for the beach, I obviously was in search of the funkiest pebbles with Martyna joining right beside me.

On the ferry i wanted to buy the playing cards Josh bought, with the images of Isle of Wight on them. They were only £1.75. And to my luck they were out of stock. It was a shame but i couldn't do anything about it.

As soon as i arrived home, i headed for my bedroom (which looked as if it just survived a total massacre) and i jumped into lovely bed exhausted by the week.

The End.

Pearty time!

I've decided to start skipping again, i like it because it takes my mind off things. Aaand it's also that i'm into weird crap and like to feel when my heart rate increases and i can feel the blood crculate my body.
The fact that my blood is taking up and delivering fresh oxygen to my cells get's me happy i suppose.
I got on the tank top my grandma gave me (it smells like her perfume), is it weird that i like some people's smells. Like everyone has their own distinct smell, i love my mum's smell and my grandma's smell. I guess i always liked smelling things like candles or i prefer the smell of food to the actual taste (unless it's freshly baked bread).

When i was taking a break..
*casually completing sudoku*
*a wild idea appears*

My internal monologue at that moment:
Since we have an apple and pear tree in my garden, with ripe fruits.. so like if i can take out the ladder from behind the shed and climb it and then pick the fruits.
That's not a bad idea, i woud have a pear party.. no! A PEARTY! *badum tss*

So i am indeed having a pearty, and i don't feel too eager to eat more than 3 because i feel a little sick.

Awkward moment of the day:
So there's this guy in college who does art and Salmo ships me with him (nobody can replace my fofo).
Anyway, he was sitting outside the college sketching the building and we were walking out of the college so i was like might as well take a look at the drawing but as soon as i did he looked up and i just did the most obvious 'totally wasn't looking at you- let me quicky look at that interesting tree' gesture.
And it wasn't even just the eye direction that i changed i proper held my hand up to my face and did the 'hmm- thinking' face you see on tv when the character is debating whether or not to buy an expensive car.
Whereas Mehwish said loudly: "Nice drawing guys."
And i couldn't help but laugh at the situation.
His shading was on point though.

I promised you guys blog entries from the camp. Don't worry, they're coming.

Peace out.

Camden.

Camden is such a cool place.
Went there last week with Martyna and my brother.

The stickers on the poles just made my day.

And although its beautiful, i would consider it a dodgy place.

I mean who sell this in a mobile phone stand?

(Legit photo I took from a stall)

When we proceeded to walk alongside the canal There was like 3 guys standing leaning against the wall and when we walked past this happened:

Guy1: Hey mate.
Pawel: Yeah?
Guy1:Smoke, smoke?
Pawel: Looks at him awkwardly.
Guy1: Best Ghanja in town.

And we kinda quickened the pace because i didn't know how long i could keep my laughter in.

I also took some cool shots alongside the canal:

There was also a giant rocking chair just casually stuck to a shop.

And at the end of the day we got to see a distinct rainbow.

Remember kids, don't go Camden alone... unless you want to get stoned.

It's so nice to be back. It's so nice to write down everything. I've missed this.
I said i took a break from blogging because i have a life but blogging is a part of my life.
There's a post on my camping experience coming up tomorrow simply because i wake up at 6:30am tomorrow, and it's pretty late now.

Peace out.

Guys, i'm still alive.

I'm so sorry i wasn't able to post, like so many things happening this summer.
I will address the matter of my summer holidays in several posts. 

My camera battery finally came! I went hampstead heath aaanddd..

But, summer is over.

Had my first day at college today, second year is going to be tough but i am determined and motivated to do great this year.

Today turned out to be a pretty successful day, seeing familiar faces always makes me smile. Oh! I just love people! But i know this attitude towards them is going to change as we progress into the year.

Thought my last ID photo couldn't get any more ridiculously hilarious? I was wrong. Oh boy was I wrong! 

First Year.

Second Year.

So many new faces!
It feels fresh.

Unfortunately FOFO left. Sad life. On the bright sun tough this year there's more to choose from... am i objectifying boys?? Im sorry to all of the guys out there for my terrible thoughts.

I've started reading a survival guide on how to survive a zombie outbreak, needless to say it's one of my favourites! And it has diagrams and everything.
It's actually really interesting, i love movies about zombies but the book just opened my eyes as to how unrealistic the scenarios are.

Amelia bought me a sudoku book when she was on holidays and it's i Serbian! How cool is that?

Peace out.