Entry 12: Mum.

I have found people that understand me, life was beginning to get better again.
You know, i now have what the kids call a social life and stuff.
I am finally starting to open up to new people, not afraid to be myself.
I am brave.

But life has a funny way of turning the situation around when you least expect it.

I just got off the phone with my mum.
She told me she's not going to be in London when i come down for my dad's birthday.
I tried my hardest to make it sound as if im not crying, but i think we both knew what was up.
I could hear it in her voice too, i've heard it too many times.
Instead she's going to Poland for a private knee surgery.
And it's possible she'll be there for quite a while.
You know.. rehabilitation takes time, especially when it comes to knees.

Until she comes back i will do my best to support my dad as much as i can, he needs someone to reassure him things will be fine and that we can get through this.

Have a good day everyone.

Dear Trevor,

Im really bad at this updating thing aren't i?

I haven't written in a while.
To be fair i really got into doing work when i come back from uni, that way i do work everyday at uni and at home. I really want to do well and i am willing to work hard to achieve the best i can.

Yesterday i had a morning lecture at 10 and came home just before 7.. you can imagine how days go by. On my free days i try to catch up on sleeping then back to work it's a never ending cycle..

I got results for the first 3 modules (in trimester 1) got merits for all of them so im really happy.
Practical biology- over 70%
Physiology- over 70%
Life on earth (hated it so much)- 66.7%
Literally was so nervous to open it up online, honestly.

Im so glad you're getting help with your eating..to be honest i could recognise  eating disorder habits/ behaviours but i didn't want to scare you like that.

Also really happy about J getting his medication.. hopefully the effects last.

Love you a lot :)

Entry 11: The parcel.

When i was spending Christmas with my family i gathered a lot of gifts and bought some clothes.
There was no way of me fitting everything into my hand luggage.
So i sent a parcel to myself.
Harder than you think.
Getting everything out of the way and having everything sorted i awaited the van for a few days.
Yesterday, just before 5pm our buzzer rang while i was doing my tutorial work.
Of course i didn't register what happened until it was too late.
I looked outside my window and there was the guy carrying my parcel back to the van, i watched him leave without saying a word.
I knew i wouldn't have made it.
He drove away leaving my heart full of regret and sadness.

Entry 10: The intruder.

This happened this Monday.
First day back at uni since the Christmas holidays.
Naturally you want to spend some time catching up with your friends/roommates, the best place in my flat is the kitchen as you will always run into someone.
I was just done unpacking my stuff, and needed to wash my dirty clothes, fortunately our accommodation provides you with a washing machine in the kitchen.
Without a thought i left my room leaving the door unlocked as i walked down the corridor to the kitchen.
I stumbled upon Sheena, we talked for a bit then she left. I stayed in the kitchen as the washing machine was full of Iona's clothes so i couldn't exactly do anything at this point.
My mum calls me in the mean time, moments after i disconnect Iona walks in to get her clothes out.
We talk for a bit and i admit to her i was waiting for her to take them out.
She explained she had someone over and completely forgot about it.
Being the dummy i am, i obviously had to forget to take my laundry with me.
I go back and grab the clothes, upon turning around to the door a sudden realization swept past me.
Someone. Was. In. My. Room.
My drawer was open and there were 2 little boxes open on my bed, my things scattered.
I look in disbelief.
Someone went through my stuff, while i was not present.
They were looking for valuables not knowing those 2 boxes contained the most valuable things to me, a box with letters from friends and a box with things i collected while dating my current boyfriend.
My heart started beating so fast, i had no idea what to do; i had no idea did it
I quickly gathered the things and put them away where they were.
Got my clothes and locked the door behind me.
The main door to the flat was unlocked, my door was unlocked. Anyone could've just went in.

Entry 9: 2017

You know how people say; 'New year, new me'
Well that wont be the case with me, but i will strike to treat myself better than i did last year.
I have put up with so much crap its unbelievable, this year im going to think more about what's best for me and the people around me.

I decided that i will socialise and spend time with people,
no more wasting most of my free time in bed.
It was a cycle, you feel upset and unmotivated so you stay home in bed, which in turns upsets you as you're not initially doing anything with life.
I decided i will explore Edinburgh, just have one destination a week/ 2 weeks, if im going to be living here for the next 4 years i need to know the area and what it has to offer.
I will use my free time productively, i will do my work to the best of my ability.
I will respect myself, i will love myself.

Peace out.