I love the smell of burnt matches.
It reminds me of burning wood at a campfire, like this summer at the beach at night.
It reminds me of burning leaves after autumn in Poland, in always used to just sit with my grandad and we would watch the flames engulf the crinkling leaves.
It reminds me of all of the BBQs we used to have in summer with the family or just family friends.
It reminds me of burning notebook pages in my garden.

9:30pm
Mum's coat over my pjs
Wellies on feet
Hair down
Earphones in
walking under the night sky in the streetlight
Jumping in puddles
Twirling on the empty streets
Cats in window
Foxes in alleyways
Smile on my face

I don't like posting depressing things onto this blog, whenever I write a post like that I just delete it instead of actually publishing it.
You know one of the worst feelings in the world?
Losing interest in something you once enjoyed doing.. Honestly I don't know whats wrong with me lately, I recently got back into reading books but it takes me more time to finish a book as I just don't pick it up after putting it down. I just sit and stare at it.
Another thing, art in general. Art was always something I turned to, what am I without it? Its not that I don't like it anymore, it's like my body can't be bothered ..
Artist block is torture, it's a feeling where you really want to do something but you're physically/mentally unable to do it. It doesn't comes out right or you just stare at a blank piece of paper until you decide you've had enough.
I'm gonna go sleep..
It takes me ages to fall asleep lately, it's not good. I need to fix that.

Peace out.

Midnight strolls on the beach is probably one of the best things in the world.

Just the cold wind and the freshness of the water, just me walking on the rocks.
It's just beautiful.
I even used my torch to see where I'm going, that made me feel like I was a part of some kind of detective book.
Trying to solve mysteries...
Got back home at 2am and literally fell asleep as soon as I sat down on my bed.

Happy Easter people!
Peace out.

Today was the last day before easter holidays, I think I really needed this.

Tomorrow I'm heading south, outside London.
We haven't been on a family trip in a while, I love travelling outside london. It's like leaving the stress behind and experiencing freedom, focusing on the place itself the moment you are in.
Gotta wake up early tomorrow so I'm off to sleep.
Got my music ready, got the panda ready. Let's do this!
Peace out.

My Tuesday night:
Me sitting at my desk wearing my dad's Santa PJ T-shirt (in March), drinking coffee and staring at the screen, trying not to fail at life.
I have a physics test tomorrow to which I haven't properly revised, like I made a summary sheet but thats about it.
(Will probably read over it on the bus to college)

I went downstairs and had a chat with my mum, she went to the GP because she messed up her knee like 2 weeks ago. She thought the pain would go away but now she can't walk properly she decided to go.
The doctor signed her up for a MRI scan, and when she said that I got slightly excited as we recently covered how that roughly works. I told her to bring me the images if she can as I want to see how it actually looks.
She asked: "but why..?"
Me: "I like that sort of stuff"
She just gave me this 'OK then' look and I laughed.
She might have to have an operation, she told me they might have to replace the meniscus in the knee joint.
I was literally on the phone for 10 minutes solely for the purpose of researching about it all.
She told me not to worry.. But I'm the sort of person that does the opposite of what I'm told when it comes to these things.

Hope your day went well.
Peace out.

I had a nap today, time well spent.
My dream was weird though, but that always happens when I'm really tired.

You know when you're having a relatively good day and then you read something and you just start thinking about it, the thought would not go away and you're just stuck in bed thinking about life?

Yup, current mood right there.

Saturday morning, got out of bed just before 9am hit the clock.
Came downstairs while the other 2 were asleep, my parents were already in the livingroom talking in their PJs.
We had breakfast together, I always feel like an only child when that happens.
I actually like moments like this because they treat me like I am one of them, it sounds weird but I feel as if they trust me with some topics more than they trust my siblings.
So 2 conclusions from this morning:
1. I was making tea for all of us, mum wanted blackcurrant tea and dad wanted lemon tea. It's funny how I made myself blackcurrant tea with some lemon juice without realising.
2. My parents made up their mind about Scotland, they decided we'll move.

Peace out.

I was thinking about today since Monday, Friday is freedom day!


We had chemistry today, 4 experiments on rates of chemical reaction.
Wasn't as bad as it sounds as I quite like doing practical work.
Practicals are even better when you partner up with someone that knows what they're doing and gets on with work fairly swiftly.
It wakes me up in the morning, gets me moving.
I get up is at 6:05am as we start at 9am (trust me that's at the very end of a roughly slept week which doesn't help), it gets to a point where I sleep on buses from and to college.


I complain now, but I know I will miss this. I will miss going to college as much as I miss Copland.
That's part of life I guess, life just moves on and you follow.


We're currently in physics, I finished my work so we're allowed to do something other than physics but i'm done with psychology and biology so I might start chemistry.


After this lesson Amelia, Christian and I are going on an adventure and that's probably the highlight of my week.
(apart from Tuesday when dad bought doughnuts, that was real good. Even though after eating 2 I felt really bad.)


I really need some sleep, I feel like each Friday is a milestone for me.
I feel relieved when I get home with the thought I survived a whole week at college.
After all, what's life without a little bit of struggle?


Peace out.

Me being me.

So I embarrassed myself today, good times.
I was trying to do like a high kick and next thing I know is I'm on the floor. Regular thing for me to be honest, just plain old embrassament.

I decided that I should start bringing a book with me to college, just in case I experience a moment of boredom.
Today in the morning, on the bus to college I was reading 'the shock of the fall'.
I have previously read it once but I remembered it as a good book so when I had an opportunity to buy it I didn't think twice.
This book actually touches me on a personal level, like I had tears running down by cheeks which meant i could hardly see what I'm reading.
It's usually hard for me to get into a story but this one is just so gripping that I do this thing where I think about the characters and the plot even when I don't have the book in my hands.
I forgot how amazing reading is, I didn't have time lately for reading which is so sad as in year 10 and 11 I was like a book vacuum. I literally read 5 books at a time and finished them all within days, that might explain my low GCSE grades. I wish I revised.. I guess that it's too late now.

Peace out.

So i don't think i told you guys but my parents are considering moving to Scotland.
They've been talking about it for a consecutive 4 days now. (yes, i count stuff like this)
Today my dad & I were downstairs in the living room, me sitting opposite him drinking tea.
He takes a sip of coffee and turns to me saying : "You know, it looks like we're leaning more towards the leaving London option". I nodded and didn't really give an audible response.

I know i shouldn't think about it all just yet, i have one more school year left here.
It's really hard not to think about the future if that's all they talk about lately.

It's not like i don't want to move, i always wanted to live in a place like that.
But i don't want to leave all of this behind, it's like leaving my life behind to be honest.

Moving house means a new beginning; new friends, new surroundings, new everything.

I need to get back to coursework, just wanted to get these thoughts down somewhere quickly.
Peace out.

I think things are generally looking much better lately, college is not going that bad.
I'm just a little bit worried about next year... other than that everything is good.

I came to a realisation that I think i need to trust myself a bit more.
I need to learn to depend on myself and stop depending on others so much.
I feel as if my happiness relies on people other than me, and that shouldn't be the case.

I'm quite happy with the person i am at the moment, a few changes won't hurt though.

Peace out.

Im slightly upset by the fact that i missed a twenty one pilots show it was in london and the tickets were like under 30 pounds, what is really sad is the fact that the next time they come to Great Britain is at the end of august for the Reading/Leeds festival.. whyyyyy the tickets are just mad expensive too..

I need to do my work now.. Physics is a pain lately, i just don't know what to do to be honest. I really try to like and understand it, but it's just not something i am good at.
The teacher is a nice person, like im not saying she's not but she picks on me soo much and honestly i haven't heard a good word flow out of her mouth when talking about my work or me for that matter. It's always something negative, it's kinda getting to me when i know it shouldn't. It's just you put all this work and effort in and she just crunches it up in front of your eyes and tells you that you are dissapointing her... okie that's it. My chest feels slightly lighter now.

Peace out dudes.

What would I do without music?

Current fave: 'Beneath the skin' album by Of Monsters and Men

It just makes me feel so many things, does that make sense?

I'm kinda feeling down and that's the only thing keeping me going at the moment.

Goodnight.