detached.

i can feel it coming back, its gradually making itself known.

therefore im trying to keep myself busy.

sorting out my room is enough for me to take my mind off things, there's a lot to do.

therefore i turn my wifi off and turn the music on.

i am carried away.

peace out.

Bob and Trevah.

I cannot put into words how much i love this girl.
You were there for me when no one was, you have seen it all and you're still putting up with me.
You appreciate me, you fully accept me.
You are one of my favourite human beings, you're inspiring.
You're the custard to my doughnut.

Even if i don't see you as often as i used to i feel as if nothing has changed, we're still close.
I can literally tell everything and i love that.
I am always here to listen to you, you can tell me your worries. We will get through this together.

Peace out.

Surviving Christmas, part 2.

I've spent my day at a family friend's house, it was a time well spent.

Not that I'm complaining or anything but i just don't have time for myself anymore.
I can't remember the last time i drew something, i can't remember the last time i actually finished a book.

I kinda knew that this year is not going to be as Christmassy as last year, i think it was because everything was so last minute. Christmas tree was put up literally a few days ago and i did my shopping like on the 23rd. I guess Christmas feels nicer when you wait impatiently for it, when you're excited for it. I just didn't feel that this year, which is pretty sad.

The last few days were truly fantastic but today i felt just meh.

Being social is so mentally draining, like i almost put a cup with a teabag in a microwave in order to make tea.

How is it that even though you see so many people you feel so detached, so out of place.

Overall my Christmas has been a neutral experience. Let's hope next year is better.

Peace out.

Surviving Christmas.

The morning was amazing.
Christmas Eve is always my fave.
I've been happy for the whole day, well most of it.

As soon as i get into bed it hits me.
I thought i can be happy for once, it lasted for quite a while.
it's coming back, it comes in waves attacking by surprise.
not as strong as before, i'm relieved.
I'm not going to let it get to me, this war is approaching its end.

And I have a feeling i'm winning.

Peace out.

happy days.

My grandma is back in hospital, i think it's like a check up thing.
So i'm not really worried.

Life has been so much better lately.

I get on well with my younger brother, like better than ever before.
I am better at managing my time.
I am just seeing so many people during the holidays, it's crazy.
Some dork likes me back, honestly still hasn't hit me like wuuut?
I went to see the new Star wars and it was amazing.
I am so thankful for my friends.
I am just happier overall.

Just in other words, life's good.

i hope your life is good too, peace out.
 

Dorky Convo Memos.

i have been meaning to post this for a while now.

I do this thing where I write down some conversations i have with my brothers on my phone, here's the result:

December 12th 4:07 PM
*conversation about coat colours*
Pawel: Im olive.
Me: Im navy blue.
Peter: Navy blue? more like baby blue.
Me: *whispers to Pawel* oh snap, he went there

December 13th 5:00 PM
*hanging out with Pawel in his room*
Me: You smell like a carrot.
Pawel: *overexaggerated facepalm*

December 19th 10:47 AM
*on the train*
Pawel: I can't yawn.
Me: Do you know why?
Pawel: Why?
Me: Coz UR a LOser *get REKT m8*

Okay, that's it.

peace out.

Excuses.

I haven't been posting regularly, this is because i don't think anything is good enough to be a blog post.
I kinda write mental blog posts, when i walk to college or i am on the bus.
This idea develops and i word and reword it in my brain until it makes sense and just reflects everything i mean by the statement.
Sometimes i leave myself little reminders on my phone with keywords, but all that gets lost as i delete it. It's simply not good enough.

Hope you like the little posts once in a while, i wish i could be there for you.

Peace out.

Life's a book and that.

I was just thinking about stuff a while ago.

It's so weird, like life is a very long and exciting novel.
It's narrated from your point of view, therefore you're the lead character.
There's many side characters like your family or close friends, they're there in the story but they don't quite know the details of the whole picture.
There's also all these background characters you pass each day; the shop keepers, your teachers or bus drivers.

But then you come to realise that each of these background characters is the lead character of their own novel, and you're in fact a background or side character in their story.
Isn't that something to think about.

You can't always help being a passerby in someones story but it is your duty to make your novel as good as it has a potential to be.

Peace out.

Grand Finale

I can't believe Gravity Falls is ending.
Not sure whether to cry or to be happy as the last episode is going to be an hour long.
I just love the plot so much, like there needs to be a spin off or something.

Back to work now.

Peace out.

Lab Dub Lab Dub.

Thursday just didn't go as planned in fact, today was just the worst.
Glad i had people by me though. Really helped.
What's going on with me.

Initially i wasn't going to post this but i feel as if i owe you an explanation.
I'm feeling down, like real down right now.

Peace out.

i'm still here.

I have been pretty absent haven't i?

I kinda want to get into uni right now, sooo yeah i actually do my college work.
Like wow, who would've thought?
I find things really distracting.
Since i got my new phone, i feel as if i'm addicted to it.
It's like you want to stop but your brain tells you not to.
I don't enjoy being addicted, as i dislike not being in control of things.

What happened to me lately? I feel as if i'm just a shell of who i was, im just kind of numb to everything. I don't say much anymore. I ruin everything.
It sounds deep but I feel as if i can write anything here.
I just don't feel like doing anything at all.
I don't even look forward to social events.

Today was different.
Today reminded me of Copland days, just plain good time.

How is it possible to love people and dislike them at the same time?
Why do i want to be left alone and talk with someone at the same time?

brain mush.

Guys, the day has come.
The day where you find out the truth.
I think...I think i have caught feelings.
How do i get rid of them?
Anyone?

I don't need this right now, please brain.
Like please go away i need to focus on my grades.

peace out.

the good, the bad and the future.

When you hold onto things for way too long, you know it's just not going to work out.
You hold onto the memories, the good times.

Life moves on, this could be a good or bad thing.
The choice is up to you, what you do with life is in your hands.

Goodnight.
(i'm not really going to sleep as i have tons of school work to do due tomorrow, i guess i still need to sort my life out)

Since my mum is in Poland, I took the position of a manager in this house.
It's actually kind of fun as it will prepare me for when i move out. I had no idea there's so much to worry about in a single house and so much to take care of.

It's a valuable experience, plus i get to sing out loud HSM songs when I'm vacuuming.

I've also started to enjoy cooking, it's really satisfying to make something out of random ingredients.
I see it kinda as i see art. You get ingredients which would be various pencils, pens and paper and you make a masterpiece with it.

Peace out.

Crushed to death... with a heel.

How's my half-term going?
Honestly, it's already Friday and i haven't been out of the house much. Literally been out like 3-4 times for maximum 30 mins.

Trevor went NCS but she's back and i'm going to her showcase tomorrow, should be fun.
I'm kind anxious as i don't know anyone there and she's gonna have newly made friends around her and i'm just gonna stand there admiring the wall. Maybe i am just overthinking.

Without her i realised i don't go out much at all. It's weird.

I've completed like 2 games and binge-watched a show about a dance studio and all of the drama happening between the people in the team. I only watched the third season but i roughly caught on with what was happening, i didn't watch it for the drama.. i watched it for the dance sequences. I guess dance is my secret weakness, to be honest all art forms are amazing.

The other day i stayed up till late and went to brush my teeth at like 1:20am, so i was just inside the bathroom with the lights off as the street light outside the bathroom window gave enough light to see anything. I was just happily brushing and then i see a dark blob moving in the corner of my eye. I turned to the side where the bath tub was and it was still unclear what it was so i kinda leaned over the bath so take a closer look. It moved slightly and i nearly got a heart attack, with the toothbrush in one hand i raced to my room to get a torch.
I turned it on only to discover that there was a huge spider on the wall, my heart pounding and foam dripping from my mouth i had to think of a plan to get rid of it. It had thick dark brown legs and honestly i've never seen a spider like that ever before. It must've got in through the open window in the bathroom.
I was just thinking to myself: "It better not be some kind of jumping spider or i'm out of here"
 (I did some research and its common name is "Cupboard spider" or "false black widow", for those daring people go search 'Steatoda Grossa' in google. Fortunately it was a male, females are bigger.)

Anyway so i decided to take action, i had a big bottle of water in my room so i kinda poured it all over the spider so it goes down the drain, or at least doesn't come back up.

First 2 seconds of my plan went fine until the spider literally came back from the dead and climbed up the shower cable with it's fat yet swift legs. I was just freaking out as i did not expect it to do that. I just stood there and couldn't move, if only i had a shoe with me.. i couldn't go downstairs as my dad was sleeping so i had to grab my mums heels from the wardrobe which were the only shoes i could hope for.
I charged at it as quietly as i could and mercilessly murdered the bugger.
Then i was just whispering to its corpse: "yeah, that's right. I better not find your cousins in my room or the same fate will meet them. Understood?"
Keep in mind that i was still trembling from the adrenaline.


I am definitely the backbone of my family, i have courage flowing in my veins.

I left the dead body in the bathtub so i can show my little brother the size of it , he's really scared of spiders. It was fun telling him my heroic adventure in the morning.

Remember, fear can be overcome.

Peace out.

Unrequited Love.

Trevor is spending the entire week at NCS.. in Wales.
So i'm just stuck here doing my coursework...

That reminds me of a certain situation that took place nearly a year ago, like last late October/Early November.
so i went to NCS and to my dismay discovered that a certain someone is going too.
That threw me a bit off guard as i went to the same high school as the certain someone, and haven't seen him around a lot even tough he went to harrow on the hill during the 6 week induction.
both of us were transferred to the Weald Campus but he did a little earlier.

Trevor spoke to him more than i did so she kinda knew that he has a thing for me but i never really gave it much thought.
We went Wales together, we were on different teams but we saw each other more than enough.
I didn't know anyone there so i kinda stuck to him for the first couple of hours.
Basially one thing led to another and next thing i know is that he confessed to me over Whatsapp (A bit of an advice, never confess to anyone via text. Do it in person.)

Looking back at my Screenshots, it's so cringy. I can't believe a year has gone by. Basically I was really rude.
Want an example?

Pretty harsh, huh?

I have hurt his feelings and that's what i hate most about my 16 year old self, i was just insensitive to other people. 

It takes guts to post a screenshot of something like that on the internet.

Peace out.

Count your blessings.

I am truly blessed with the people in my life, I love you fellow reader.
I feel better now, grandma just needs to get her heart restored to normal functioning as her liver regenerating medicine has quite serious side-effects.
But all is better, and that's what counts.

When i feel sad i like to listen to sad music, i know Trevor does this too. I remember in year 11 when she really wasn't ok she used to listen to Florence and walk with her hair down and just avoided everyone.
What i found out from experience is that when you feel sad, it's worth spending time with people who make you feel happy and wanted. Don't retreat into your own bubble.

Peace out.

Deal with it.

It's always me that has to be strong, i hate to cry.
Lately i just have to force stop myself from bursting out in tears.
Every time i hear news about her or even someone mentions her in a conversation.
I just want to lock myself in a room and never come out again.
My biggest regret is not telling people how much they mean to me, it's just hard for me to show my feelings because I'm the sort of person that laughs at their brother's tears when watching Titanic.

Sometimes it's hard. Life is hard and we learn to deal with it.

Peace out.

To be honest..

I haven't been honest, by that i mean i haven't told you everything.
My grandma is in hospital, again.
Each doctor is saying something else.
It's either: 'Her condition is improving' or 'She has a few days left.'
Don't really know what i should do.
I never experienced death of someone close, i can already tell it's not going to be light.

Peace out.

obsesselfie. (i tried ok?)

I get called 'old-fashioned' because i don't take out my phone at every opportunity possible.
I've read this article/post a week ago and it's so true, people are so addicted to phones and technology it's mad. It's worth checking out: Link below
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/photographer_removes_smartphones_from_images_to_show_how_obsessed_we_are_wi

Just because i choose to actually have face to face interactions with people instead of staring at a screen for half of my life texting random bull crap or checking what other people are up to, i don't need that. To be honest the only thing i need my phone for is listening to music and answering calls from my mum (Yes, im that sad. Fight me about it.)
All im saying is that it's a bit stupid if you're sitting at a table with your friends and all of them are doing something on their phone. how sick is that? why don't you talk people?

Like, our generation is so freaking vain. The amount of selfies and just trying to look good for other people is too much for me. I will look shit if i want to look shit I don't give a crap if your eyes hurt from looking at me. The lack of interaction/communication together with this constant goal of achieving 'perfectness' is honestly distasteful.
This constant chase after the newest gadgets too, just because someone has an old phone he is perceived as lesser than anyone else? wake up people.

End of rant. Lol just needed to get this off my chest.

Holy Guacamole!

I feel as if avocados are a bit underrated, like have you ever eaten something better than an avocado? go on, i dare you to answer. *whispers* 'the answer is no'.

My phone crashed, my sim doesn't work. What even is life? On the other hand, less distraction but still.

Bumped into Paulina today, gave her a heart attack when i approached her from behind and rested my head on her shoulder. I need to return her the book i borrowed like last year.

Don't you just love smart people? like wow, i like that i can have an intelligent conversation with you but you can also be silly and that's great. I am just happy for their brains, you know?

Gotta pick up Peter's present from a post office 'office' (haha double office), because apparently the parcel is too large for our letter box. His birthday is on Saturday and there's going to be food.

I should be doing chemistry.
Just so you know, I hope all of your haters get a paper cut on their elbow because you're obviously an epic person.

Peace out peepz.

Untitled Post. jk, it's very titled.

Yes, this is my 4th post today, fight me about it! :D
I am so proud of Trevor, she has already got a conditional offer at one uni. 
Like wow, good for you famalam!

Good news: My grandma came home from the hospital today after like a week, i didn't write about it because it was sort of personal. Actually so personal I started crying on Thursday when listening to 'Afire Love by Ed Sheeran', like just on a bu crying quietly, I was just like get it together Agata Jeez. I don't know why but i started to think about her and I just can't cope with the thought i might loose her.
Screw personal, i'm so happy that i just had to mention it.
She's one of the most important people in my life, she practically raised me. 
Practically my role model, she's been through so mush crap in her life but she's a strong woman and i admire that.

Been listening to Twenty One Pilots lately; quality music, sick beats and top-notch lyrics.
Not everyone's taste, dislike some songs myself but worth a try.
Favourite Songs ATM:
-Stressed Out (one of my all time favourite songs actually, learned most of the lyrics and singing the fast part is so satisfying.)
-Forest
-Kitchen Sink (great for walking to college coz it's got sick beats init.)
-Lovely
-Be Concerned
-Car Radio
-Clear

I should probably get back to Chemistry. Coursework, ready or not here i come!
Peace out.

Confrontation.

Wednesday during Psychology coincidentally my last class that day, I had gained a new experience not a pleasant one.

We were inside the learning centre upstairs and we sit at circular tables, each work place is supplied with a docked computer. Our class took place in like a separated part, I sat with Sarah and as we were talking her face does this weird thing. Like her face does this 'Oh no you just didn't do that' look. And I turn around behind me where she was staring and this guy and girl start laughing to each other.

I ask her what happened. She just looked at me and said 'I saw a flash'. I was thinking: 'Nooo..'
She made that face again, and I quickly looked back and they both hid behind their screens.
Sarah said 'Another one.' I was just thinking, there is no way they took a photo of us TWICE.

I panicked a little, like I always joke about sneaky pics of people but being in a situation like this really made me think how odd it feels.
He just kinda hid behind his computer monitor and he placed the phone in a gap between the work desk and the bottom part of the computer. Why the hell would you have the flash on when you take a sneak pic of someone? People are dumb.
The people used to be in Sarah's class until she got transferred, so I knew they meant to take a photo of Sarah and not me. But for what?
We started to discuss with Sarah why the hell they might want our picture, and an unsettling conclusion sprang up.
You see, people jokingly call her a 'traitor' because she moved classes, but maybe the guy took the picture of Sarah in our class to show it to the others in his class. It's dumb but what else would be the motive. It's not like he likes Sarah, as the girl with him was his girlfriend.

Sarah was just so pissed off, she announced that she is going to speak to him after the class finishes.
I was like, Are you mad? What the hell are you going to tell him?

She went anyway, she even tried to drag me with her. I didn't know what was happening but I got kinda dizzy and everything was just blurry, my hands were shaking and my stomach was in a knot. Everyone was leaving and then Amelia asked if i was alright and I just didn't know how to explain it to her because it was the first time it happened to me.

Sarah came back after speaking to the girl and Apparently they were 'Face-timing' someone. Who the hell face-times when their back camera flash is on? Y u lyin for? We walked out and as soon as i got out into the fresh air i started to feel much better.

Peace out.

Incy Wincy Loner.

Lately I catch myself doing stuff when i am not supposed to, like i have got something more important to do but i still do something completely different.

My latest hobbies Include:

• Preparing orange juice and stirring it with a kids whisk. My mum walked into the kitchen and i was just making sure the concentration of the juice is even and I felt like a scientist, she gave me like a 'I am honestly used to your crap, so this does not surprise me' look.
• Coming up with ridiculous nicknames for Pawel, the situation where Peter only comes home on the weekends only gives me more time with experimenting and twisting the name 'Pawel', i love Polish for its flexibility, English can be boring when making up nicknames. 
• Decorating biscuits with homemade icing, 10:30pm on a school night. Managed to make a cat and a dog with 3D ears. Wish i took pictures.
• I started staring at spiders in my garden and even tough they are quite repulsive, its something about the loneliness and the lack of caught flies on their web that makes me feel sorry for them. I remember when i was in Year 7, back when i had a sad and lonely life. I had science in the morning and i used to come to school very early and just stare out of the window at a family of spiders. There was Parents and 2 tiny spiders, I always watched how the parents looked out for them and how they cared for them when they fed them mummified flies. Which kinda made me feel happy but even more lonely.  
• Singing old Rihanna songs like 'Please don't stop the music' or 'Shut up and drive' out of nowhere. Pawel and I sing duets together, it's pretty funny.
• Finding lost things. My mum lost her favourite t-shirt a while back, she thought that the strong winds we had must've blown away the shirt from the washing line in the garden. While around that time I lost my tablet, looked for it all over the house during a course of around 4 weeks. When i was cleaning my room I found both of them under my bed, The shirt and the tablet. Murphy's Law everyone, you find it when you stop looking for it.

So i was going to write another post about a weird situation at College, but i've gotta bounce. Will update in a few hours.

Peace out.

Dance with me, Odette.

I was watching 'Barbie and the pink shoes' with my little cousin.
In the story Barbie gets these pink ballet shoes from a woman who designs costumes and the shoes take her to a Ballet world, basically where all the ballet stories come to life.
Ballet plays like 'Giselle', 'Swan Lake', 'The nutcracker' and 'The snow queen' where mentioned there. What she did is that the shoes made her the main character of each ballet play.

I then did my research on Youtube and typed in different ballet names, some of them were as long as 2 hours. I have never seen anyone move so gracefully, like wow.
My favourite is definitely 'The nutcracker', ahh the costumes and the brilliant music.
It makes me really appreciate the classical music, I listen to it while studying but i was never into it.
Whereas the masterpieces written for ballet are so dynamic and so well composed, it's just a pleasure to listen to.
I never thought about the fact that ballet can portray a story without even saying anything. My next goal is to see ballet live.

Just something i found interest in.

Peace out.

Weird Dreams. Part 2?

So lately I have been having weird dreams, this always happens to e when i am stressed. But they have been getting quite interesting lately so i decided to make a note of at least one situation in a dream.

For example today i had a dream i was out with someone in a shopping centre and i bought a burger from a fast-food shop, I ate half way through and the meat was half-raw the people i was with tried to convince me it was the most delicious thing that the place has to offer. Like why? The dream compensated the raw burger with slides in the shopping centre, how cool would that be?

OK. So I have a detailed description of an odd dream I had literally a week ago.
Here's an extract from 'Agata's Journal of Peculiar dreams'.

Entry Titled: Beaver Trouble. 02/10/2015

I was in a car on my way to College, Amelia was driving and me and Christian were at the back of the car. (This is probably because I took the bus home with them on Friday) I was holding my coursework on my lap, ready to be given in to the teacher. Amelia suddenly takes a sharp turn and the car lands in a river, she continues to drive along it with surprisingly no one panicking about what just happened. "It's a short-cut" she explained. The car doors just suddenly disappear and when i look to my left there is just about 10 beavers swimming towards me. I start moving away when one of them drags me out of the car and the others bite my toes. Keep in mind that I am holding my coursework above the water so it doesn't get wet. When everyone processes what happened, Christian pulls me inside the car by the coursework papers. (Basically something Physically incorrect, something out of a cartoon :P). Amelia drives faster along the river faster so the beavers cannot reach us. We act as if nothing happened. Just before i woke up I say to the others: "I finally have something to blog about." Like these were my literal words.. What is wrong with me.. Haha. 

End of entry. 

 After i woke up i swear i still felt the beavers biting my toes.

Peace out.

Wilting Sunflowers.

Hey there fellow readers. (And you Steven, i like your hair btw.)

I hope you're doing good, because i am not.
But Agata.. people have it even worse than you, stop complaining!

Yes, it's true i could be for example starving or running away from my homeland by boat.

But sometimes you just got to think about your own situation, and i don't know where i'm going in life and fear is slowly making a big comeback.
Do you believe that flowers can reflect a persons well-being? Because let me tell you, those sunflowers are wilting, winter is coming.

I'm not doing anything about it if i whine all the time, struggle is there for me to take care of it and eventually conquer.

I am in fact taking things into my own hands, i'm going to give it everything i've got. (at least that's the plan)

I managed to catch up on gravity falls today, thought that cartoon can't get any better? well, i was clearly wrong.

Favourite Quote: "When i have a child, i'm going to name it: Grenda 2: The sequel"

I am doing this thing where I'm recording my lessons for Mehwish who's away. She literally gave me her mum's phone to look after. Her last words were: "Agata I trust you." Wow.
The phone went dead in Chemistry but i think i managed to film my chemistry teacher dancing, which is something i can look forward to seeing.

I am glad that my posts interest you Amelia, but I need research first before writing a blogpost about our class. I am a bit pumped about the idea, but at the same time i don't want to throw shade at anyone as that are not my intentions.
Will definitely try to be diplomatic about it. Just not right now.

I know i change topics really quickly, but do you ever just get a cringe attack? Like out of nowhere thought like: "Oh remember what you did a year ago, that was so embarrassing. How can you live with yourself."
Yup, that happens often. I have 2 reactions to it:

1) Giggle under my breath/ big-ass smile into thin air.
2)Cover face with hands and contemplate my life choices.

As I said, hope you had a good day. Even if you didn't, There's always tomorrow.

Peace out.

Objective view of rain and bizarre screaming incident.

Did i ever mention how i love the smell of air after it rains? It's just something about the freshness and coolness that makes me feel alive.

On my way from college i noticed that someone grows legit sunflowers in their front garden, they are simply majestic. It's like they don't care about all of the other little pretty delicate flowers, they're being themselves and that's what i like about them. They seem happy. I know it sounds odd to think that they have a conscious mind, but i'm just like that.

I was reading a book and something just occurred to me; All of these book (or movie for that part) characters are finding their true love at 16/17 years of age and i'm just here like: "I'm not even sure what to eat for breakfast." You get me?
I don't think people need significant others at such a young age, call me old fashioned but I personally don't even know what I want to do in life, let alone have a boyfriend. How does one obtain a boyfriend anyway? It's just such a complicated process, I would rather admire from afar.

Anyway the post was supposed to be about my day..

Incident 1: 
I got to Wembley Central at like 20 mins to 10am as i had a lesson at 11am. And i looked at the display board when i noticed that there was no 182 showing at all. I got a bit irritated and confused. I was just thinking that i should probably wait a bit because i haven't got money on me to get the train.
May i add it was raining, and once the screen said that the 182 is 'due' I just walked from under the bus shelter to the edge of the pavement.
I waited there another 2 minutes and It happened so fast i didn't even know what was happening.
A car was speeding and literally splashed me from head to toe in dirty road-puddle water, not even exaggerating! I had water on my cheeks and my whole coat was soaked including my phone which was in the pocket.
Everyone from the bus stop (and may i add there was plenty of people there) was just looking at me, so i decided to play it cool and act as if that never happened but i was so pissed.
Another car. This time only splashed my jeans. I let that one slide thrugh as my bus came.
Guess what? It didn't stop. I had to wait another minute for the one behind it.
Of course terminated half an hour from my college, how lucky?
At least i wasn't alone because Sarah joined me there by accident.

My coat was dry by the time we finished running to the lesson, a minute late but unnoticed.

Incident 2:
Now this is a very bizarre experience..
We had a 2 hour break so we made our way to the shopping centre to eat.
We came back by bus and then crossed the road to get to college.
Our whole gang walking on the pavement, i was at the very edge from the side of the road.
Suddenly I hear a loud scream right next to my ear, it was so frightening that I jumped up and screamed myself.
I looked around in panic, it took me a few second to realise that whoever that was in the pick-up truck that went pass me must've done it on purpose.

Like who even does that? Just scream at random college students from your car window?

I started to feel kind of upset, i started thinking about uni and coursework, which made all my positive energy just somehow escape from my body.
I felt like a depressed limp noodle, but instead of telling people what's wrong i just said "I'm tired." Which works every time.

Peace out for now, hope you're a Sunflower.

Is it really possible to know anyone?

That question got me thinking.
We only think we know our close friends or even family.

But there's no way you tell them about everything there is about you, then why should they?

Ok, for example. I know Trevor. I love Trevor in fact, but is it really possible that i know her fully? I'm a 100% sure that there are major things that she hasn't even brought up in a conversation, things to do with her and her life.

How do i know this? It's because I don't tell her a lot of stuff. Mostly not intentionally of course but you know what i mean?

Do you really know your parents? Do you care to find out?

Another example: I knew my grandparents all my life but only on my recent holiday I found out stuff from their earlier years. Did you know that their wedding photo was taken a week after they got married? of course you didn't.

I like doing mental research on people.
Trust me it's nothing odd, i assure you.

I like taking note of how people rect to certain things and their facial expressions and just collect mental facts about them whenever possible.

It's easier to read their body language and guess their reactions or for that matter answers.

I can't help the fact that i am curious and observant.

Peace out and extract information from people whenever you can, you never know what you might find out.

Butt to ground contact.

I am really trying to find myself some new hobbies.

I attempted roller-skating at Gunnersbury Park on Saturday.
To be honest i wasn't exactly sure how it will turn out as the last time i have roller-skated was when i was in year 5 or 6.
The fact that my dad put on WD-40 on the wheels didn't help as there was practically no friction on them.

I forgot everything, i didn't know how to slow down or stop while skating on a straight concrete path.. I help onto Peter's arm for my dear life and he kinda pulled me around.

He got annoyed soon after and told me to figure it out by myself as he wants to walk around without my nails digging into his skin. So he left me there.

I find being thrown into the deep end as the best method of learning for me.
I was only dependant on myself and i succeeded.

More or less. Let's just say to the point where i could skate around freely by a pond without falling into it. And being able to control the skates better than Pawel. (He fell like 5 times, and i should've recorded each one as they were truly hilarious.)
I'm not saying i don't make mistakes, there was about 3 occasions i thought that i am going to hug the ground but i caught my balance in time. And of course I fell down towards the end of the day, on slippery grass.
Like literal butt to ground contact, My legs flew in the air and i sat down on the grass with such impact i couldn't feel my lungs for a few seconds.

Learning new things is always worth it, take risks people and you will be rewarded.

Peace out.

Hellos & Goodbyes.

Totally get you Trevor. So many people I miss. (Have a letter for you btw)

Actually today when i was walking out of college, Mariam said: "Are you going to miss me, guys?"

I was just thinking, every time i get to actually know a fantastic person it's already time to move on with life. It's really not ok.

The amount of spectacular people that I am not going to see probably for the rest of my life.
You could use the argument "Stay in touch." but for me when someone is not physically seeing me just fades away in this distant memory of their self as i remembered them.

Life eventually gets you busy, so busy you don't get to meet up with people you care about.

I want to be alone, i don't get much privacy.
But when i do, I feel lonely. Not lonely in a physical sense.
I just long for someone to talk to, none of that nonsense about UCAS or just goofing about. Not saying it's not great because it is.. Just saying that I get enough of that at college.

I want to talk with people that can actually hold up an intellectual conversation with me. By intellectual I mean a conversation full of life. Not just empty and presumably 'funny' words being thrown around.
Something for me to remember.

Peace out.

Stressed Pigeon.

Ever feel like that lonely, grumpy pigeon that sits on a chimney during a chilly morning, trying warm up.. looking miserable while he's at it?
That's me right there.

I feel like growing up is just too much pressure, it's not that I'm irresponsible or somehow 'immature'.
Doesn't the idea of independence scare you a bit? I love independence, don't get me wrong.
It's just independence in the context of life that's very foreign to me.
I always depended on my parents.
Now, BAM I have to apply for a uni and get a student loan and then pay for accommodation and so on.
I guess starting on my personal statement calms me down a bit. 

So there was this situation. During lunch we were sat in the library doing work and then a guy from my class comes and we start discussing courses we want to do. I said I wanted to do BioChemistry. And then he proceeds to say this:
"I originally wanted to be a doctor, but when i narrowed it down I looked at Biomedical sciences and biochemistry. Then I realised that all they do is just a lot of research and completing a course like that will not get you a job where you help people first hand. So I decided that Radiology is something I would want to do. Because you get to have that human to human contact"

I was just kind of there like.. that's so true. I will end up in a reasearch or analysis lab, when what I want to do is help people. Have just first hand communication with them.

It's just so difficult to choose what you want to do with life at the age of 17.


Our local Sainsbury's is opening after refurbishment, tomorrow at 9am.
*'Celebration Time' song in the background*
It's been closed for a week, mum was panicking about the shortage of milk in my household.
It's all good now, i can reunite with my beloved supermarché.  
Why does French make everything sound nice and gracious?

Anyway, I have Psychology & Physics homework. 

Peace out. Or "Bien, paix!"

Isle of Wight- Camp experiences. (this is not finished but still a handful to read, thought i owe you this asap. Will update tomorrow.)

Very professional title. I like it. specific and straight to the point.
I'm going to break it down for you into segments. Just so you don't get confused. I tend to ramble on and mix stuff from different events together. So honestly, it's so that i don't get confused.

Day 1: Saturday
The Arrival 
As soon as i got onto the ferry i was dreading it, i wanted to go back. as soon as i could. I was prepared to swim all the way back to Southampton. I'm always anxious to meet new people. It gets to the point where i will feel sick and dizzy. A whole week spent with strangers. I will be dependent on strangers. How cold my parents ever do something like that to me?
I wasn't alone of course. Martyna, Pawel, David and Daniel came with us.
I wasn't close with Martyna or anything, that's the thing. We talked but i didn't ever get a chance to KNOW her properly.
But this week she was stuck to me like glue and i didn't mind the slightest bit.

My first impressions: Wasn't what i expected. If only i knew what i expected. There was one massive tent with 2 big portacabins attached (kitchen and bathroom along side was a little building with staff toilets and a laundry room). Then there was approximately 3 tents for junior boys, 4 tent for senior boys, and 4 tents for senior girls. (All of the junior girls seemed to sleep in their own tents with their parents because staff had separate tents). Martyna & I got assigned to Senior Girls Tent number 3 .
We unpacked and set ourselves up, and left off to explore the site.
Turned out majority of people arrived a bit later so our little group of 5 was just hanging out on the grass.

Soon i came to the realisation that  I was one of the oldest campers, in fact Martyna, Me and This guy Owen and I think 2 other girls were the only 17 year olds there. Keep in mind that was out of MANY people.
I sort of wish that I found out about the camp a little bit earlier.

I was literally exhausted. This is due to the fact that on Saturday i literally got home from holidays in Poland at past 3am, and had to wake up at 6am to pack up and set off t the camp Keep in mind that i haven't slept for the whole Friday-Saturday night because i was on the bus. And it's virtually impossible to sleep on a bus to a noise sensitive person.

3 more girls joined us in the tent. And let me tell you they packed giant suitcases compared to ours. They probably had assigned 2 outfits per day. My suitcase onle contained 7 shirts and 3 pairs of trousers.
So with 5 people in the tent we got a little squashed up, but i didn't really mind that.

After the evening meeting we sat down on a bench and then David comes with these other 3 guys and they just randomly show off their music skills. Which quickly turned into a whole camp-rock experience. (whoever hasn't watched 'Camp Rock' needs to watch it this minute) We were sitting in a circle singing songs in the dark of the night (there was a light coming from the massive tent which illuminated just enough to play) To my surprise the guys have really beautiful voices, like wow. I was blown away at how talented these people are.
Our little circle attracted more people and soon the numbers doubled. It was very soothing and a new experience that i am glad i experienced. We sat there for a good hour until one of the mentors told us to go to bed.

They say the first night at a camp is the worst and i will never disagree with the statement, in fact, i can prove it.
I stayed up all night sitting on my mattress my body shaking. Wishing i was someplace elsewhere I rocked back and forth in my thin sleeping bag. Martyna woke up to the sound of my chattering teeth and looked at me sleepily and then widened her eyes when she realised it was me. I chuckled under my breath as she went back to sleep. (she didn't remember this in the morning)

Day 2:
Loners
Unable to feel my feet i got up at 4am to shower.
With every step to the bathroom i felt a chill go through me. Luckly we had a tent that was the closest to the showers. The amount of moths and bugs was just truly unbelievable.

After the shower i got dressed and returned to the tent Martyna threw an look at me and accused me of not waking her up early to shower. We made a pact that we will wake each other up early to avoid congestion in the morning showers.
We were ready at 5am. Watching the sun Rise






Day 7: Saturday
Saying our goodbyes
It was a lazy day, simply because there was no activities planned and everyone knew they have to return home. On one hand i couldn't wait, on the other i wouldn't mind staying a bit longer.
They broke down the swimming pool (hay stacks) on the floor which made a big clump of hay so I decided to rest a bit because, surprise surprise.. the mattresses were not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, literally every morning when i woke up i was aching with my every move.

I slept in the hay for a good half an hour without even realising i was. It felt so nice. The smell of hay is my life,of course Pawel always has to ruin things for me. He woke me up so that i help pick rubbish up from the camp site, I was like: 'What have i ever done to you?'
After hard work we drank lemonade, it was the best lemonade i have ever tasted.
 

Of course it wouldn't be Pawel if he didn't leave his mattress and sleeping bag on the table, which a while later it was nowhere to be seen. The people from Watford must've mistaken it for theirs as they packed things in bulk. His fault.

After packing up our stuff and taking down our tent me and Martyna decided to chill in the hay.
And that was probably the most honest conversation i had in a while. We talked like old friends, she opened up and told me all about her problems. And i was just thinking how blessed i am to be in a situation i am in. I always think about what i don't have but it made me realise what i do have is far more precious.

When David and Daniels dad arrived, well i will be honest with you. I literally didn't want to leave.
Seeing as we had plenty of time till the ferry departure we headed for the beach, I obviously was in search of the funkiest pebbles with Martyna joining right beside me.

On the ferry i wanted to buy the playing cards Josh bought, with the images of Isle of Wight on them. They were only £1.75. And to my luck they were out of stock. It was a shame but i couldn't do anything about it.

As soon as i arrived home, i headed for my bedroom (which looked as if it just survived a total massacre) and i jumped into lovely bed exhausted by the week.

The End.

Pearty time!

I've decided to start skipping again, i like it because it takes my mind off things. Aaand it's also that i'm into weird crap and like to feel when my heart rate increases and i can feel the blood crculate my body.
The fact that my blood is taking up and delivering fresh oxygen to my cells get's me happy i suppose.
I got on the tank top my grandma gave me (it smells like her perfume), is it weird that i like some people's smells. Like everyone has their own distinct smell, i love my mum's smell and my grandma's smell. I guess i always liked smelling things like candles or i prefer the smell of food to the actual taste (unless it's freshly baked bread).

When i was taking a break..
*casually completing sudoku*
*a wild idea appears*

My internal monologue at that moment:
Since we have an apple and pear tree in my garden, with ripe fruits.. so like if i can take out the ladder from behind the shed and climb it and then pick the fruits.
That's not a bad idea, i woud have a pear party.. no! A PEARTY! *badum tss*

So i am indeed having a pearty, and i don't feel too eager to eat more than 3 because i feel a little sick.

Awkward moment of the day:
So there's this guy in college who does art and Salmo ships me with him (nobody can replace my fofo).
Anyway, he was sitting outside the college sketching the building and we were walking out of the college so i was like might as well take a look at the drawing but as soon as i did he looked up and i just did the most obvious 'totally wasn't looking at you- let me quicky look at that interesting tree' gesture.
And it wasn't even just the eye direction that i changed i proper held my hand up to my face and did the 'hmm- thinking' face you see on tv when the character is debating whether or not to buy an expensive car.
Whereas Mehwish said loudly: "Nice drawing guys."
And i couldn't help but laugh at the situation.
His shading was on point though.

I promised you guys blog entries from the camp. Don't worry, they're coming.

Peace out.

Camden.

Camden is such a cool place.
Went there last week with Martyna and my brother.

The stickers on the poles just made my day.

And although its beautiful, i would consider it a dodgy place.

I mean who sell this in a mobile phone stand?

(Legit photo I took from a stall)

When we proceeded to walk alongside the canal There was like 3 guys standing leaning against the wall and when we walked past this happened:

Guy1: Hey mate.
Pawel: Yeah?
Guy1:Smoke, smoke?
Pawel: Looks at him awkwardly.
Guy1: Best Ghanja in town.

And we kinda quickened the pace because i didn't know how long i could keep my laughter in.

I also took some cool shots alongside the canal:

There was also a giant rocking chair just casually stuck to a shop.

And at the end of the day we got to see a distinct rainbow.

Remember kids, don't go Camden alone... unless you want to get stoned.

It's so nice to be back. It's so nice to write down everything. I've missed this.
I said i took a break from blogging because i have a life but blogging is a part of my life.
There's a post on my camping experience coming up tomorrow simply because i wake up at 6:30am tomorrow, and it's pretty late now.

Peace out.

Guys, i'm still alive.

I'm so sorry i wasn't able to post, like so many things happening this summer.
I will address the matter of my summer holidays in several posts. 

My camera battery finally came! I went hampstead heath aaanddd..

But, summer is over.

Had my first day at college today, second year is going to be tough but i am determined and motivated to do great this year.

Today turned out to be a pretty successful day, seeing familiar faces always makes me smile. Oh! I just love people! But i know this attitude towards them is going to change as we progress into the year.

Thought my last ID photo couldn't get any more ridiculously hilarious? I was wrong. Oh boy was I wrong! 

First Year.

Second Year.

So many new faces!
It feels fresh.

Unfortunately FOFO left. Sad life. On the bright sun tough this year there's more to choose from... am i objectifying boys?? Im sorry to all of the guys out there for my terrible thoughts.

I've started reading a survival guide on how to survive a zombie outbreak, needless to say it's one of my favourites! And it has diagrams and everything.
It's actually really interesting, i love movies about zombies but the book just opened my eyes as to how unrealistic the scenarios are.

Amelia bought me a sudoku book when she was on holidays and it's i Serbian! How cool is that?

Peace out.

Guess who's back.

So it's been a while, huh?

I've been busy with life. Yeah it surprised me too, i have a social life.. sort of.

I've been feeling so bad about abandoning my responsibilities, and abandoning you my fellow reader. i am sorry i failed you, but i'm back on track.

Sitting here, sipping my herbal tea at 10pm on a Sunday evening, it feels nice as it was raining today and the smell of rain is lingering in the air.. yuuum. Do i have a smell fetish or something? hah
I just love smelling things.

Saturday was truly a lot of fun. One of the best days I've had lately.
In the morning i met up with Trevor and her sisters to watch Paddington Bear in the outside cinema. To be honest i've never been to an outside cinema before, i had to choose; watching Terminator Genesys in a cinema (which i've been really looking forward to) or watch paddigton with Trevor.
I chose Trevor. And it was worth it.

In the evening I went to a campfire my church organised in the Epping Forest. It was so cool, like honestly I didn't thing i would enjoy it that much.

Me trying my hardest to take a selfie without a front camera on my phone.

I helped gathering wood for the fire (which consisted of trying to walk past a field of giant stinging nettles in shorts),spent time on some intense badminton sessions and occupied the swings so children couldn't go on it.. muahahah.

Derpy selfie while collecting wood.

Ok here's a quick description of what happened as soon as we arrived:
Agata: *Sees a small slide near the swings, but also notices 2 kids playing on it*
Agata: "Pawel, hold my things I'm going on the slide and i will be right back"
Pawel: "Dude, no you're not." *tries to hold me back but fails*
Agata: *Runs towards the swing like she's completely lost her marbles*
Kids: *notice me but avoid eye contact*
Agata: "Hi guys! can i have a go after you're done?"
Kid 1: "yeah.. but you're big.."
Agata: "So? Please just once?"
Kid 2; "but.. this slide.. it's broken so you can't go on it."
Agata: *laughs under breath* "C'mon guys, allow it. I wont take long."
Kid 1: "Fiiinne."
Agata: *slides down* "weeeeeee."*runs off*

Here's a banana i have successfully "baked" over the fire.

I ended up falling asleep at 2 am.
When i woke up this morning, my muscles were really sore. But none the less i was content.

Peace out.

just a lil' explanation.

Don't worry I'm alive. I haven't been posting for a while, but honestly my thoughts are all over the place.

I am just a shaky mess, my heart is beating unbelievably hard against my rib cage to the point it hurts a little.

I wish i could explain everything. I just don't seem to find the right words.

Why do i do this to myself? why do i push people away?

I forcing myself to believe people are better off without me, that i'm simply a bore and that i am not needed.

Wonder why i don't write back to texts or answer your calls? It's not that i don't want to talk, it's actually the opposite. I just, things just pile up and i shut myself out. I don't want anyone to feel obliged to sink down with me, i don't want sympathy, I don't want to worry you.

i'm so sorry.

Peace out.

Immense shoe hunt and a quest for A3 paper.

I woke up at 8:10am, which is unusual as i do not wake up that early during my summer holiday. But i will try to keep that up as i realise that i miss out on so much stuff wasting my time on sleeping.

I met up with Trevah in the library today, which was fun. The Wembley library is like a hot spot for us (not counting the wembley central bus stop). She gave me some belated birthday gifts along which lay some glow in the dark stars (gonna test them out later if they actually work).
She was slightly late but that's fine as long as i got to see her, besides that gave me a little time to choose some cool books out which i look forward to reading in my spare time).

Mum gave me £45 to spend on 2 pairs of casual shoes, Trevah and I browsed through the Clarks outlet without success and decided it would be best if we made a short trip to Greenford shopping centre to the best shop that is out there (Hobby Craft of course, it's like heaven on earth).

Played a game of hide and seek while talking with fascination about the wide assortment colour pencils, yes that was quite a thrill :P 
We're stationery geeks. If those existed then count us in!

Followed by another shoe shop trip failure, but at least we could share a view on how men's shoes are made much better than women's shoes. Like just take a look next time you're in a shoe shop. And that's how i realised it's probably best to go with my mum next time because i'm a sucker for making decisions, also there's the fact that i absolutely loathe clothes shopping.

We took a short break at McDonald's for ice-cream and apple pie. We split it in half just for Trevor to realise she forgot her phone somewhere (this moment has a name it's called a Trevor moment.. well just instead of Trevor I say her real name). She ran out and made her way back to the shops where we just came from, just left me there worried. I looked through her stuff just to make sure it wasn't hiding under piles of notebooks and crap (in a nice kind of way) she carries with her at all times.
She eventually found her phone lying on top of shoes on the shelf.
We exited the place with paper minion headgear and a stolen newspaper magazine (it has sudoku in it, that's the only reason.. nevermind i was dying with laughter).

On the bus journey back we have concluded that Trevor is treated like my secret boyfriend, but except that she's a girl and there's no reason for me to keep her secret from my family. She's just really annoyed she can't see my garden, but the truth is that i don't want her to see my family because they tend to be sort of odd and crazy.

4 hours later I am back home. I finally have a bit of time for myself so I sit down in my garden wrapped in my older brothers hoodie and sipping honey-lemon tea while reading a book (i am on page 157 so far).

My dad bought a new oven so it wasn't peaceful, it was frantic. He was running with his saw, cutting the table top down so it would fit our bigger oven. I had saw dust in my eyes and in my tea, still edible though.

When it got a bit chilly outside and the oven was nicely fitted in my kitchen I decided to water the plants and step inside the house.

I was vacuuming the kitchen and generally downstairs of the house while squeaks and terrifying moans (something similar to the sound of an ill parrot) that somehow resembled the song 'My heart will go on' from the titanic escaped my throat. 
As the vacuum cleaner is loud i thought no one would hear me but first my mum just looked up from what she was doing and gave me an 'Are you Okay?' look and secondly when i stopped vacuuming my brother shouted from the garden 'Agata, you do realise that everyone in the neighbourhood can hear you?' 

I feel like i write about small details that you're tired of reading.. 
One more thing, I promise.

My mum shouted from downstairs that someone called me on my phone, upon running down the stairs i find out that it was my dad calling me.
His excuse was: 'You would never have made me tea otherwise'
To which my response was: 'Dad, that was so lame..' And i cracked up laughing as i reached for some tea in our kitchen cupboard.

Peace out.
 

Sweating Pits.

The school year is coming to an end and I feel as if this year has gone simply too fast.
It certainly changed me as a person, i was able to work outside of my comfort zone to achieve goals and meet new people.

Change is not always welcome in our lives, it makes us uncertain of what there is to come but the change also  just pushes us out of the nest so we can figure out ourselves to fly in the strong winds.

My plans for holidays do not come into life till the second half of July so i have plenty of time to play Professor Layton on my Nintendo DS and maybe meet up with some friends in the scorching hot weather (trust me 20 degrees celsius is boiling in the UK, i honestly do not know what i am going to do in Poland because the temperatures there reach like 34 degrees). Let's just say that i will definately get a tan.

I was not always a summer person, in fact i hated the spherical ball of plasma that our planet orbits.
But when this winter came i thought i might get frost bite and i missed the time when my pits would seat from sitting outside in the shadow with my cousins.
(Too much information? yeah.. i think so too).

Peace out guys and enjoy summer while it lasts.

Rejoice people!

For those 5 people who have read my deleted blog post, don't worry i am feeling much better.
Sometimes i have these moments where i completely break down and just loose it.

If I was to be honest with you, you would want to continue following my updates in the blog.
I try my hardest to keep this a cheerful blog with a dash of awkward on the side, but that cannot be always the case.

Theoretically i have ended my college year today, but practically i am still coming in tomorrow and i am staying there till 4pm.

Zuhair bought a chocolate cake for his birthday to college (even tough his birthday is like towards the end of june). Let's just say i have done a lot of whistling and dancing today when i was walking around the college corridors.

I was walking down the steps with Salmo and there was 1 girl and 2 boys walking past, they were talking about us in sign language! How cool is that? i would totally love to learn to speak in sign language.

My plans for summer holidays include brushing up my French vocabulary so i can have discussions with Mariam next year, i will definitely be looking forward to that.

*SHOUTOUT* My friend decided to write her own blog, give her a warm welcome: www.aspiranthuman.blogspot.com

Peace out.

P.S: Trevor, i think i might be going slightly insane without you, i truthfully don't know what is wrong with me. You probably don't even care as you don't read my blog posts anymore. That's OK, but if there is a slight chance you're reading this: I miss you.

It's just not fair that i don't get to see you as often as i would like.

Amélie

Due to a popular demand.. nope.. just one person. But a very demanding person, I am going to talk about the interesting character of Amelia.

Amelia is my bus buddy, we live like 10 minutes from each other so naturally we get the same bus.

Let's start from the beginning first, beginning are generally a good place to start.

First day in College, but on the other campus. Shitting my pants to be honest, didn't know what to expect. Had no clue what i was doing with my life.
Luckily i had Chenai (or Ohini) to show me where my classroom is, i have no idea what i would do without her honestly.

Biology, I come inside of the classroom late. I can just feel the looks burning into my body, I was not welcome there. I have actually never experienced being completely new, I always knew at least a person in my class.

At that point It's almost as if i had a giant lump in my throat, I am not the sort of person who cries publicly (please exclude the part in The Hobbit where Kili and Thorin die and I burst into tears like a little baby inside the cinema OR the part where in 'The boy in the striped pyjamas' the gas chambers are left empty at the end of the film). I just sort of bite the inside of my lip and apparently look 'lost'.
It was 6 weeks into the year, everyone obviously made friends. And knowing me, nobody would want to be friends with me.

First impression count, right?
Well.. let's just say in Amelia's case it didn't count for good.
You asked me to be honest..
I don't really remember what her nickname was for me, it might've been along the lines of  'that blonde girl'.
That was kind of upsetting, you know it's kind of degrading when a person doesn't even want to make the effort to learn the simplest of things about yourself; such as your own name.
We had an early break and I coincidentally saw the  2 people out of 4 people I knew on the campus; Matthew and Slay.
I told them about my first day at college, yup I made sure to include all the details.
She was the loudest, and i have automatically marked her as 'loud rude girl I am probably not going to get on with'.
And I can gladly say I was wrong.
The following day (Tuesday) I sat down and Amelia asks out of nowhere: ''You know Matthew?'' and I said ''Yeah''.
Then she proceeded to update my database and told be about how she used to go Cadets with him and they haven't seen each other in a while. I honestly had no idea that they know each other, if i did then i wouldn't have told Matthew anything.

Skip forward 5 days..
On my way to college I got on the 182 and literally look back from my seat, she's sitting behind me. My stomach dropped. I kept my cool though, I am pretty good at keeping my cool. I decided to say 'Hi'. It was still kind of awkward.

We talked and i think what we really bonded over is the fact that both of us shop mainly at the local Sainsbury's. Like better than that! She lives next to Sainsbury's.

Skip forward few weeks..
 We now get the bus together. Even on the mornings, I decided to throw Trevah into the cocktail too. All 3 of us met up.

Skip forward a lotta weeks..
 We discuss Metro articles together, when she's sleepy in the morning she rest her half-a-tonne head on my shoulder and occasionally even walk home together, like you know .. exercise.

The reason why I wrote the time line above is to give you an insight of the development that took place over the year. It's the little things that change everything, I have definitely learnt that in this case. She is definitely not what i expected her to be.

As for Amelia herself:
She is truly an interesting character, even if i don't think i will ever truly understand her.
She giggles like a hamster that is being strangled (I love her laugh, seriously)  but it suits her.
Did I mention she wears shoes that have kittens on them? She has a matching hat! I mean.. how cute is that?
Drinking coffee every morning (Made from 8 teaspoons of coffee),She smells of coffee, cat hair and grapefruits.
On one hand she's obnoxious and loud but on the other she's pretty sensitive (she doesn't like showing that side but i know it's there somewhere) and has a good sense of humor.
That adds to her charm I guess.
I would say she is really open about a lot of stuff and I feel as if the range of topics we can discuss is pretty broad and i think that's what i like in people.

Alright, I bet you had enough now.
Peace out.

Mission Abort!

I have seen my Fofo in the morning, I have come into college 30 minutes early and headed for canteen with Amelia.


It didn't take me long to see Samira sitting at one of the canteen tables, I sat down and proceeded to engage in a conversation with her.
Little did I know, the curly haired guy was sitting at the opposite side of the canteen with his mates. Munching on a banana.
I immediately recognised this funky being and watched as he sits on the table.
He has the cutest smile.


I told Samira: 'He's eating a banana, I have a banana in my bag.. IT'S MEANT TO BE'.
Like we have so much in common; we both like bananas.. that's about it :')


I told Mehwish and Salmo in chemistry about what happened and they had to listen to me go on about him.. Until Christian overheard us.
C:'Who are you guys talking about?' (honestly it's not a secret anymore plus I don't mind him knowing).
A:(I hesitate) 'This cute guy'.
C:'You should talk to him' (I give him a look) 'Why not?'
A:'Why would I?, he doesn't know me and I don't know him. I should just leave it'
C:'You've got nothing to loose, as you said he's leaving next year..so..' (this kind of makes me think, but I am openly admitting to being a coward. I could never do that, even if I wanted to) 'Plus if he's a nice guy he won't reject you, if he's a douche then he will.'
A:'I am not so sure..'


After chemistry we went to the library and Salmo saw her Prince Charming.
I went biology with Marina and she explained a physics assignment to me, out of nowhere Salmo jumps out (panting and incredibly happy)
S:'He's there! He's in the library, upstairs! C'mon!'
We walked quickly to the library where the rest of the gang have thought out a master plan.


In chemistry there is an assignment where you have to give people questionnaires to fill out, and Mehwish was sick so she is giving it in late.
The questionnaire was a perfect cover up for finding out more about him, like his name and age along with what scientific subject he likes best :').


The questions were printed out, it was time!
We headed upstairs and honestly I wasn't to keen on the idea.. they wanted me to ask him to fill it out. I would probably chicken out.
I pretended that I am sorting out my folder so Mehwish had some mercy and went up to him.
I couldn't look, I honestly couldn't.


He declined filling it out. YUP, he said NO!!1!1!




I mean.. kinda rude. But I understand that he had work to do as the end of the year is always stressful.


As soon as Mehwish told me he said no, I began giggling uncontrollably. I had to get out of there or I would blow my cover!


We went to the bottom level of the library and we were talking about it when Christian heard us and asked how it went.
The answer was: Not good.
He offered to force the guy to answer my questions so we described the guy to him.
We were ready and prepared for it but as soon as we exited the bottom floor doors, fofo's class comes out and I whisper loudly 'Mission: Abort'.


The rest of the gang did as they are told as they saw him walking out, we immediately went outside and while he was walking out they were whispering: 'That's him, that's him'


Maryam just pinched me and moved her eyes over to where he's walking.
Mehwish told Christian: 'Go after him! Go after him'
While Mariam was just making scenarios in her head she wants me to go up to him and say: 'Hey! is your name Kevin? You look like a Kevin'
To which I responded with a splutterous laugh and walked out of the circle to catch my breath.


'Why am I friends with you people?'
I love them really.


Peace out.

I feel overjoyed.

I should be doing biology coursework but screw that. Here's some chill story time.
During year 11 I went through my 'Bastille' phase. The chill tunes helped me with stress and just certain situations overall.
Although I remember year 11 to be not so bad, when i look back at it.. it wasn't good either.

The album "Bad Blood" really spoke to me on a personal level, the lyrics were so clever, well put together and really relatable.
I'm the sort of person that doesn't care about the look of the band or what their name is, I just fall in love with the music.
I know all of the lyrics by heart, which is quite sad but also pretty cool.
Every single song in the album is amazing, they're the kind of songs you have to listen to a few times to understand what they are truly about.
Personal favourites:
'Bad Blood'- I think of Trevor everytime I listen to it.
'These Streets'- I think of the guy i used to have a major crush on in year 11.
'Daniel in the den'- Words cannot describe my love for this song, seriously ughhh so good.
'Flaws'- Looking back I think of myself and how much I have done to get to the place where i am now.
'Weight of living pt1&2'- This just makes me think about life in general, I love how the song is broken down into 2 parts. Part 2 is a continuation of the first one but can be interpreted as an individual song in itself.

End of Review :P. Hope I didn't bore you to death.. Hah.

Peace out.

Ciao!

My older brother is leaving home for 2 weeks to go to fly to Italy.
He's currently finishing off packing and checking he has everything as his flight is at 6am, and it's only midnight right now and I can tell he's quite nervous to to this.
He even started reading 'Learn to speak Italian: For Dummies', which by the way is mine.

It's so unfair how he's already finished with his school year and he gets to travel ,I actually wanted to go with him but nonetheless I'm quite happy for him .
I never thought I will say this but the house is going to be so empty without him, it's always like that when one member of the family is missing.

I think I will miss him, a bit.

He better buy me something while he's there.
We have already established that he's going to take selfies and photos at the places he visits following posting them on Facebook. Which should be fun enough, like in a cool movie or something.

Mum is probably going to be worried, her first born is already flying out of the nest. I can guarantee you she's going to Skype him everyday, at least twice.
He packed 4 baguettes (them small ones) for his journey.

Peace out.
(Might post some pics when he actually gets there, hope is a photo of an Italian pizza or something.)

You coming on a bear hunt?

My birthday was last month, 27th of May.
I turned 17.

It didn't bother me as much as turning 16 did, but the thought I'm going to be 18 in a year is just so scary.

I still feel like a 15 year old, only I'm a bit smarter now & better at decision making.

I got a "We're going on a bear hunt" children's book along with other gifts from Trevor. We always recited the book but never got past the 'Thick oozy mud', not even that we called it 'Icky Sticky mud' (which I prefer much better).

Never knew how the actual bear hunt ended until I read it.
Want a spoiler?
*SPOILER ALERT*
They find the bear and they run away with the bear chasing them.
They hide under the covers and wait for the bear to go away.
He walks off, slightly disappointed.
What if he only wanted someone to talk to?
To be honest, I feel kind of sorry for him.

Whereas my family bought me a real fountain pen. How cool is that?
I collect stationery and notebooks, so that was literally a perfect present.

When the black ink dries, it actually gives like a nice dark greyish colour you can find on old documents.

Peace out.

Put on your friday clothes!

Have you ever watched the film WALL-E?

I have to say that the general plot in the film is pretty original, I didn't expect that at all.
The collaboration of the artists from both animation companies made the soundtrack to the film is truly beautiful.
The instrumentals, like.. I'm not even a fan of classical music or instrumentals but it's just so well put together.
I didn't really give it a thought until i started humming the song WALL-E played on his TV randomly while doing my homework, then I realised that I have no idea what it's called.

I literally googled: "What's the song WALL-E plays on his TV in the movie?"

Turns out that there were 2 songs from an old film 'Hello, Dolly!'
The one that I was humming was 'Put on your Sunday clothes'.
I might or might not be obsessed with it, the lyrics are awesome and fun to sing along to whereas the melody is so cheerful.
I would strongly advise you to give it a go: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7pRJvNAJt0

Listening to it makes me so happy.
I want you to be happy.

Peace out.

Awkward moment of the day.. Yesterday.

When walking out of biology for our lunch break, the class made their way to the stair case located at the end of the corridor.

Making our way down, Mehwish dropped her ID card and her phone on the middle bit of the stair case..

Extract from my notebook, I wrote a draft of the post on my way to college.

Being the good friend i am, I decided to help a friend in need, not knowing of the terrible events that followed.
I wanted to bend down but ended up squatting to touch the floor, as i had my backpack on I had to lean forward to reach the phone but having a heavy folder and a laptop inside it did not help at all.
I lost my balance, tried to regain it but toppled over instead so that my bum was sitting on the ground.
I proceeded to laugh hysterically as my classmates standing around me shot me confused looks.
I picked up the phone and stripped of any dignity continued my way down the stairs, regaining air in my lungs.
I have to tell you, when i laugh it literally sounds like somebody is crying. Like I deeply exhale and then try to inhale to replace the air and it makes like a high-pitched noise...

Peace out and have an awkward day!

The encounter.

I had biology catch up to attend today at 2pm.
But to make it into college on time and drop into McDonald's on the way to grab a snack, I had to leave the house at 12:30.

Pretty straightforward, right?

Once again, my neighbours had to complicate the matter.
Guess.. Just guess what happened. Want a clue?

It appeared that the girl next door brought a friend with her home during her lunch break I presume, I mean.. Our road is literally 10 minutes away from the school so why would they be at home so early otherwise?

So the action begins here: They took 2 white plastic garden chairs, and proceeded to suntan in the front garden.
I know, it doesn't sound outrageous or anything but read on..
At 20 degrees Celsius outside, they were wearing like bikini tops and super short shorts (bear in mind they are like 15), almost like they think they are on holiday in Egypt or somewhere.
This is not the worst part.

This is the worst part: It bothered me so much because if you see the structure and location of our front gardens (attached below) you can see that I would have to walk right next to them when exiting my house and making my way to the bus stop.

Like they were oiling themselves and whatnot.
As if that isn't awkward enough.. Upon getting ready and literally pressing the handle I took a last look at them while formulating my plan of escape.
I thought I was ready but at that exact moment they decided that it would be a brilliant idea if the friend went on the road outside my house and play the game of "sexy poses" (wow that's a phrase i never thought i would use ever on this blog).

I literally don't know what kind of sick joke that was but I had to look at the idiotic behaviour the girl happened to demonstrate, that was because I decided that as soon as she sits down; I storm out of the house and quicken my pace whilst looking down on the floor avoiding eye contact.

I had to be ready.. It could happen at any second.
I was already late as the girl took 5 minutes auditioning for the role of an Avon swimwear model while attempting to bend down and drag her hand across her leg, It's just disturbing.
Needless to mention their idea of fun is my idea of making a fool out of yourself.

What were they even thinking?
As soon as her bottom touched the chair I decided that: It's either now, or never.
This was my only chance, I discretely closed my front door and put on an act that I am so pre-occupied with choosing a song on my phone that I didn't even notice they were there.
Never walked so fast in my life.
Mission: Success.

When passing the McDonald's in Harrow I realised I forgot my voucher.
Sad life.

Peace out.