Holidays.

This always happens during the half-terms.
I went out with Trevor on Wednesday which was a nice change but then it just went downhill.
It's like i can't be trusted with myself any more, during the half-term i always shut out my friends and family, a 'sad loner' part of me comes out and takes charge.
It's easier to separate yourself from others, but it's better to keep trying to be social.
I hate myself for doing this, I don't answer calls, I don't reply to messages regularly.. Like i might even take a look at the message, I just do not reply.

I start to lock away in this sort of box that nobody can access and it looks like i find the key on the first Monday back in school.

It's like i do not want to be a part of my own life any more, i just want run away from everything.

Anyone else ever feels like this? I hope not, I hope you're happy. I really do.

Peace out.

P.S: I just feel so stressed lately, I barely sleep and have so much coursework to do for tomorrow.

3rd June 2015 update:

Half- term is a very emotionally exhausting time for me, there are so many positive things to half-terms like:
-Staying in bed later than usual
-Meeting up with friends, this time not in college
-Going on family outings

On the other hand, during half-terms I feel very.. I don't know lonely.
It's not even like i try to reach out to people, I just do not make any attempt to communicate with people unless forced to.

What's worse though; my 'high-school student' radar is overheating at a time of the day its shouldn't.
They emerge onto the streets as if they do not know what to do with themselves and I'm not even talking about the 'average-student', I'm talking about 'Gangeester/ Swagmeister/ badgyals' high school attendants.
I loath them with a passion, but sometimes when I think it through I feel sorry for them.
They are nothing beyond fancy clothes and bad attitude, they are lost children trying to fit into the society standards of being 'cool'.
Girls wear inappropriate clothing and heavy make up, just to appeal to the boys.
Boys however are encouraged to swear and act aggressively, just so that they can prove that they are not a coward.

Those kids just want to catch the scraps of respect gained from their peers, kids that are rushed into growing up.

When I was at that age I considered sneaking food into the library a thug thing to do, I guess it depends on the person. Some people are easily influenced, others are not.

I guess moral of this story is:
Don't try to be someone else in front of another person.
It doesn't matter if you're eating a sandwich with ketchup slowly dripping down your chin, be you!
Don't grow up too fast, take your time.
Screw peer pressure and fitting in. Why can't you stand out?
What's so wrong in being different.

Peace out.

They always come and go.

I woke up in the morning at 5:30am thinking it was half to 7, prepared myself for college only to find my dad still at home (he leaves at 6:30am) when I knocked at the bathroom door. His expression was priceless, he was confused and I was confused with his confusion. He told me to go to sleep so I took a nap for another 40 minutes.


During the morning I was thinking about those people that just show up in your life and then just disappear, there was a lot of friendly travellers in my life so far and just thinking about it makes me quite sad. People that I considered 'Good Friends' and genuinely cared about just went with a click of a finger.


Some people were there when I had an awkward hairdo and problems, and some people were there when my hair was fabulous and I was happy with myself.


It's not like I appreciate the people who were there when times were bad more than the people that met me when it was alright, every person that passed through my path affected me in some way and I guess what counts is having a nice time with people that genuinely want to be around you.


Peace out.

Haphii Burthdae!

It was Trevor's birthday yesterday, she is literally 10 days older than me.

I went to the cinema with her on Saturday to watch 'Big Hero 6', yeah i watched it before but it was good enough to watch again. I was teary eyes when *SPOILER* Baymax stayed behind when they were rescuing Abigail.
It was fun because i took my younger brother with me and he cried like twice, like proper teared up. Trevor's younger sister was scared of Pawel and i was just like "Yup, there is a lot to be scared about, like his smelly feet".
It was really fun Trevor. I just wish i could see you more often, stupid exams. We can meet up sometime during half-term, can't we?
I havent given you my birthday present, but i think you will love it a the it's the best present you have received from me yet.

You know i realised that i don't tell people how i feel about them, and you're like a sister that i never had. I love you Trevah you're my hideous creature and i wouldn't ever want to replace you, but you will have to wait for my present a bit longer.

Holyfluff!

I feel as if  can share this with you, this might be pretty weird for a teen to say.

I really hate swearing, there i said it.
I find it disgusting when i hear swear words spluttering out of someones mouth.
It's such a nasty habit, perceived as cool.
I have a theory that teens peer pressure themselves into swearing, you hear someone swear, you don't want to be the boring one so you slip in a few curse words into your sentences when talking to your friend. It relates to something my ICT teacher said last year, it's a statement that people subtly copy the person their talking to when engaging in a conversation. We all want to be relatable.

The word 'F*ck' itself is something i do not wish to tolerate. Like it's so cringy and it just hurts my ears.
Another word 'B*tch', like some girls call themselves 'B*tches', like what the calculator is up with that?
For people swearing is a part of everyday life and that's just worrying, can you not express your feelings without using those foul words?

Yeah, i might be a hypocrite. A 'Sh*t' escapes my mouth now and then but that's quite rare and i'm not proud of that fact.

Peace out.

My life is a giant puzzle.

Last friday i spent a whole day putting this jigsaw puzzle together, 1500 puzzles vs 1 girl.
I won obviously.


Hahahah, you can see my feet.

The only reason why i picked this puzzle is that i have a secret adoration for old maps,
or just maps in general. Whenever  go on trips to the forest I always bring a compass with me
and the map of the place, then work my way around the trail.

This links in with the way i spent last saturday. We had a friends and family outing in Ruislip, and there is like a big lake there, a little railway and a massive forest.
(took photos on my other phone, which i cracked while running by the way)
I did not have my compass.
I got lost, don't ask as it is a long story but i was circlng the forest for about 45 minutes by myself, just trying to get to the place i started off at.
It got to the point where i asked people for the way back to the lake.
I NEVER ASK PEOPLE FOR DIRECTIONS.
When i got back to the place where my family was just chilling i was covered in mud and my legs were exhausted as i ran half of the way (I was paranoid for a bit that someone's following me).
These things always happen to me.
I played Badminton and football with my friends and then we went to the playground near the beach on the other side of the lake. Hahah yup, i still go on swings and slides.
When we got back we had ice-cream. There's always space in y tummy for some ice-cream.
Peace out.





Sebastian

Achievement unlocked!
Obtained this beauty last week from my auntie (she's always good with gifts)
Wanted to post in a while but never quite had the time, sorry about that.
I always wanted a Venus Flytrap.
My window is slowly turning into an exotic jungle.
He's such a beauty.

I'm a slightly depressed stalker...

Today in lunch (bout 10 minutes ago), something awfully embarassing happened.
Mariam has a new 'handsome-me', which is a code name for a temporary crush.
3 clues about his identity:
-short brown hair
-European ethnicity
-Does the Sports Btec course

All of those clues pointed at a guy that we see around quite frequently.
So naturally while in search for prince charming we had to take everything into consideration.

He was on a mini-bus that takes drives to a football court outside the college.
And i kinda know the guys facebook profile, but im not technically a creepy online stalker.
Marina & I were looking for a mysterious guy that messaged her on the school messaging service saying 'Ola' and the only match for the name was a guy in a sport Btec class that we see around. We stumbled upon his profile and that's how i know his name, it rhymes.. like how cool is that.

So anyway, he was sitting at the front of the mini-bus and the windows were down.
I suddenly remembered that Mariams dreams are already shattered as he has a girlfriend (checked his facebook relationship status).
While explaining to her, i had to be slightly loud so i half-shouted: "I stalked him on facebook! His name is_____! Dude he has a girlfriend." And after repeating this several times my friends decided to tell me he can hear me. I wanted to die of shame and embarassment. Seriously we went to the bench nearby and i put a hood over my head and decided to stay like that forever.
These things only happen to me.

Paparazzi Salmo took these snippets of me when i was considering running away to Australia where nobody knows me and where i could live a nice peaceful life.

Peace out.

She's a beach.

On Monday we had a Bank holiday which means a longer weekend for me, my family decided that we won't stay at homeand waste a beautiful day on watching TV.

We got in a car and set off into the sunrise (get it.. not sunset.. sunrise.. it was morning.. nevermind) I put on my sunglasses and took my usual position in the car (on the left side), you know the 'im-in-a-dramatic-music-video' position. But then i found out that i did not take my earphones with me and it was too late. I was stuck to listening to MAGIC radio station (which if you don't know, is a station that has a song base of about 40 old songs and plays it over and over again, like a radio station for old cat ladies) Which i don't mind as i know all of the lyrics to all of their songs by heart.

We got to Gosport at around 9am and we were just in time for a carboot sale, needess to say I bought 3 giant jigsaw puzzles at 50p each, such a bargain and the lady selling them seemed nice. 1x 1500 puzzles and 2x1000 puzzles. Yup, i don't know when i am going to have the time to comlplete the jigsaw but i already started on the owls eyes so it shouldn't be bad.

After that we went to the Gosport Ferry and decided to take a short trip to Portsmouth by the actual ferry. I had a return ticket but they took it away from me which was a bummer as i collect tickets and souvenirs from places i go to.
Portsmouth has a lot of nice old fashioned buildings and its just really nice to see water related equipment like boats or fish nd chip shops :P, i only think about food.

We went to see a cathedral, it was simply beautiful. The priest was a part timer and he took us around on a tour. It was so old fashioned but it was in good condition.
It probably wasn't a suprise, but he knew so muchstuff about th history of the cathedral and everything associated with it.

We went to the dock and observed giant ships that swam through the channel. (my phone just froze at that exact moment so i wasn't able to catch that moment on a camera but i documented pretty much most of the trip.
We returned back to Gosport, and i had the first Subway Sandwich of my life. It was good but definately didn't live up to everyones hype about it, ended up getting chips from a traditional chip shop and had a nice conversation with the lady at the counter.
After we got some fresh air we drove to Lee-On-The-Solent, which is a nice little town about 15 minutes way from Gosport.

We immediately set off to the ice cream booth and i ordered a large strawberry-vanilla ice cream cone.
I just sat down on the rocky shore and licked my delicious cone.
It started raining so we went inside the cafe and i ordered myself  a cappuccino, needless to say it was the best Bank Holiday ever.

Peace out.



Apparently I'm an aduld now.

Yup, people were staring at me while i took a picture of the side of the bench.

View from the ferry, i was partially scared my phone will fall into the water.

I found this clock quite artsy and cool.

Love the boats, their names are just quite epic.

Found a swan just chilling on the ropes.

Bottom right corner: My younger brother photobombing my pics.

This was located on the ruins of an old palace.

I nearly got driven over while taking this photo, hope you appreciate it dude.

 

 

The worst Tuesday of her life.

My friend Salmo had a bad luck day yesterday.

She wore a black skirt yesterday and by the end of our physics lesson we found out she has a massive whit blob on it that wasn't there before our break, it was spread out chewing gum that was about the size of a small fist.
We had to act quickly so i suggested pinning the skirt together so that the gum is not visible, of course that diddn't go as planned because the pin fell off.. TWICE.
Then we proceeded to looking for long coats so that she can cover up but nothing worked.

She accused Mehwish of not telling her the chewing gum is on her chair.
See we did a physics test that was part of the unit and they swapped chairs for the test, the chewing gum was found after she got off the chair. It made sense that the chewing gum was on the chair in the first place as there were traces left behind, but what diddn't make sense is the fact that Mehwishes clothes were squeaky clean with no sign of the gooey substance.

Naturally Detective Agata is on the case, I decided to investigate this incident and clean Mehwishes name.
When the lesson finished we had to drag Salmo out of the class as she was in the middle of an emotional breakdown (the pinned skirt looked rather bizarre...bizarre, I like that word) so she rushed to the toilets and contenplated about her life and how she's ever going to show her face to any human being on earth.
I just advised her to change, she had jeans underneath.. but they were quite old and had bleach marks all over them.
At the end she listened to me and sorted herself out, that was after she was done with sobbing in the toilet cubicle (just joking, but she really complained like an old grump, love ya Salmo :P)

The case was not over. I went over to the bench we sat on at lunch and with a closer look i have witnessed a breakthrough!! AHA! there was a giant blog of previously chewed gum in the place Salmo sat at lunch. I was about to be the greatest Detective alive but then i have figured that  it was actually my fault that she sat in that particular spot. I may have cleaned Mehwishes name but i drowned my name in a bucket of mud.
During lunch my friends all sat around a wooden bench outside, i obviously went over there last as i was getting water from the canteen. There was no space for me because Salmo sat on the ede of the bench so I TOLD HER TO MOVE OVER.
And she did, only she moved over into her worst fashion nightmare and she didn't even know.
I was a successful lawyer, but i was a criminal.
I live a double life because i am simply a rebel.
Mehwish I accepts sweets as a form of a payment for my brilliant services.

Peace out.

P.S: Salmos brother lost his wallet that very day, sad life. I don't even know how they got home.
And another thing, last tuesday when she had a skirt on, it slipped off and she flashed her fancy leggings underneath. Tuesday is just not her day :D