The point of no return.

I haven't written anything proper in a while so i guess it's time for that now.
Whenever i post from my phone the posts are short and very informal in some way, but when i sit down at my desk and open up my laptop i feel like my posts have a different feel to it.
I'm just going to dive straight in.

I fear the future, i fear being left behind and pushed away.
I fear of being a disappointment, not being enough.
In general fear and self-doubt have taken my life over for a while.
The start of this school year was the worst time for me mentally, especially with everyone talking about UCAS and just future plans.
I felt like bursting out in tears whenever someone mentioned next year, people around me had life figured out and then there was me.
I felt useless and just plain incapable of achieving anything.
Being clueless about your future is the worst feeling i've come across, honestly it gets you paranoid and just over-thinking every decision you make.
These kind of feelings faded a bit now, it's not as bad as it used to be.
is it because i have given up? is it because it's gotten to the point where i don't care anymore?
I don't know, but what i do know is that i am fed up of feeling so pathetic and fed up of crying so much as it's very emotionally draining and makes me feel so fed up with myself.

You have no idea how long it took me to put this into words, i haven't mentioned everything as i don't feel as if now is the right time to talk about it.

Enjoy your day (or night in my case), peace out.