Quarantine Diaries: Family Matters

Was looking through my old blog posts from 2016 and Entry 4 struck my heart.

I have moved back in with my parents start of Second year of uni. They moved to Edinburgh and I could continue to study here and live from home saving up a little money as Edinburgh is one of the top most expensive student cities to live.

We live in a tiny one floor 2 bedroom flat, my parents sleep n the living-room whereas my room doubles as a pantry, a tool shed and holds my mum's wardrobe. It's a space too tiny for 4 people and the craftsmanship of the bathroom and kitchen is appalling but we are here  and we are settled until we move on to better things. I have learned that the house or location doesn't matter, it's who yu are with and where you are trying to go.

Now looking back at the old blog post i thought i'd take the format but edit it and place in the current truths.

I didn't see it coming, I really missed my family. We are together again (with Pawel missing) and I am happy, however we won't be living together much longer and that's just part of growing up.

They shaped me into who I was, and partially who I am today but a huge impact on my life had my friends and my own experiences. I learnt through things they warned me about, sometimes you are tempted to touch the fire after someone tells you not to but you ultimately learn to avoid it later on.

I no longer miss the constant arguments over who showers first, or shouting for people to get out when i need to pee. 

Family meals are the best; whether in silence, arguing about politics, passionate discussion about the news or making my dad laugh to the point he chokes on his food. 

I no longer miss doing odd jobs around the house and chores- smaller living space gets so much more messier than a bigger living space and there's a lot to do since mum is still recovering. 

I still love shopping in Sainsbury's with my parents, now we moved onto Sainsbury's, ASDA and Home Bargains- who would've thought we would live next to a big ass retail park? 

I still love family trips and outings: North Berwick, Dunbar or just beaches in Edinburgh itself. And Rosslyn Glen! Nature and sipping on tea out of a Thermos is our jam.

I no longer miss Peter's obnoxiously loud laugh (often heard when a very dry joke is being thrown around)- I always laugh to myself when i hear it around the house. 

We don't fight when making breakfast anymore- because i kick everybody out when I'm in charge.

I miss spending time with Pawel, our dynamic changed that's true. He had become more reserved and pushed people away for a whole year, our closeness was never fully rebuilt after that. He is still someone that I can be 100% myself around.  

I look up to my parents, they always have found ways to provide for us even with everything possible against us. I always admired their determination to make the best out of what they have. They are my rock and my counsel- however sometimes it's better to keep things to yourself xD 

I want to make something of myself.
I am making up for the time i missed, i view them as people rather than just parents.  

I spend more time with them now than i have ever in my lifetime which has its good side but it's inevitable i get annoyed with them and need time away from them often, keep it healthy y'all.

 In that post i forgot to mention someone that I consider family too, Trevor. She's been with me way too long for me not to consider her a sister. Even when separated physically, my thought always drift in your direction. When I go to a bookstore, in IKEA, when i see some nice stationary, when i read poetry, when i paint, when i drive past public parks, NOT TO MENTION ALL THE STUFF IN MY ROOM. You are always here with me, and i just made myself cry ahahah great, point is I love you with all my heart. Please be strong, you have gotten so far. Things will be better someday, nothing is permanent except love itself.

Till tomorrow,
A x