Quarantine Diaries: Everyday

Lockdown is hard for so many reasons, for so many people and I've realised how much we take for granted everyday.
When being limited in time spent outdoors, a change of daily routine (My younger brother went literally nocturnal for a few days xD)or just completely messing up your future events schedule.

Lately I've been thinking about the beauty in everyday,
that you don't need to plan for big things to do something big.

It's important to delight in everyday things too, you can't just live from one plan to the next.
You need to be present here and now, not the past not the future.
Simple things like gardening, making art, cooking, cleaning (that relief of a clean and tidy room), journaling or listening to music.

I'm not saying don't reflect on your past or don't have future plans, life is about balance and if you neglect the present day you won't feel fulfilled. Don't always chase your future, let it come to you one day at a time.

A x

Quarantine Diaries: Creation

I always admired nature in landscapes, animals or weather. Creation always allowed me to understand God on a deeper level, see Him as a artist- a fellow creative as well as a scientist and engineer.
I always marvel at a pretty sunset, cute cloud shapes, hills, oceans and mountains.
I always loved animals deeply, believe it or not I wanted to be a vet for a longer while.

I set up a bird feeder with seed fat balls for birds of all sizes to feed on, they get a free lunch and i get to look at how they work together to provide for each other. Their little feathers ruffling in the Scottish winds.

Nature brings me peace, even at a stormy sea side i feel calm and steady.

A x

Quarantine Diaries: Family Matters

Was looking through my old blog posts from 2016 and Entry 4 struck my heart.

I have moved back in with my parents start of Second year of uni. They moved to Edinburgh and I could continue to study here and live from home saving up a little money as Edinburgh is one of the top most expensive student cities to live.

We live in a tiny one floor 2 bedroom flat, my parents sleep n the living-room whereas my room doubles as a pantry, a tool shed and holds my mum's wardrobe. It's a space too tiny for 4 people and the craftsmanship of the bathroom and kitchen is appalling but we are here  and we are settled until we move on to better things. I have learned that the house or location doesn't matter, it's who yu are with and where you are trying to go.

Now looking back at the old blog post i thought i'd take the format but edit it and place in the current truths.

I didn't see it coming, I really missed my family. We are together again (with Pawel missing) and I am happy, however we won't be living together much longer and that's just part of growing up.

They shaped me into who I was, and partially who I am today but a huge impact on my life had my friends and my own experiences. I learnt through things they warned me about, sometimes you are tempted to touch the fire after someone tells you not to but you ultimately learn to avoid it later on.

I no longer miss the constant arguments over who showers first, or shouting for people to get out when i need to pee. 

Family meals are the best; whether in silence, arguing about politics, passionate discussion about the news or making my dad laugh to the point he chokes on his food. 

I no longer miss doing odd jobs around the house and chores- smaller living space gets so much more messier than a bigger living space and there's a lot to do since mum is still recovering. 

I still love shopping in Sainsbury's with my parents, now we moved onto Sainsbury's, ASDA and Home Bargains- who would've thought we would live next to a big ass retail park? 

I still love family trips and outings: North Berwick, Dunbar or just beaches in Edinburgh itself. And Rosslyn Glen! Nature and sipping on tea out of a Thermos is our jam.

I no longer miss Peter's obnoxiously loud laugh (often heard when a very dry joke is being thrown around)- I always laugh to myself when i hear it around the house. 

We don't fight when making breakfast anymore- because i kick everybody out when I'm in charge.

I miss spending time with Pawel, our dynamic changed that's true. He had become more reserved and pushed people away for a whole year, our closeness was never fully rebuilt after that. He is still someone that I can be 100% myself around.  

I look up to my parents, they always have found ways to provide for us even with everything possible against us. I always admired their determination to make the best out of what they have. They are my rock and my counsel- however sometimes it's better to keep things to yourself xD 

I want to make something of myself.
I am making up for the time i missed, i view them as people rather than just parents.  

I spend more time with them now than i have ever in my lifetime which has its good side but it's inevitable i get annoyed with them and need time away from them often, keep it healthy y'all.

 In that post i forgot to mention someone that I consider family too, Trevor. She's been with me way too long for me not to consider her a sister. Even when separated physically, my thought always drift in your direction. When I go to a bookstore, in IKEA, when i see some nice stationary, when i read poetry, when i paint, when i drive past public parks, NOT TO MENTION ALL THE STUFF IN MY ROOM. You are always here with me, and i just made myself cry ahahah great, point is I love you with all my heart. Please be strong, you have gotten so far. Things will be better someday, nothing is permanent except love itself.

Till tomorrow,
A x

Quarantine Diaries: Reborn

Due to a popular demand..... I'M BACK! (Yeah no- only Trevor wanted me back, hiya babes)

3 years later from my last post and a pandemic managed to spread worldwide, fun right? Quick turn of events, been around since December and now all major countries are under a lockdown.

I would've never thought I'd live through events I'd read in history or biology books.
COVID-19 or 'Corona' caused a shortage of toilet paper, hand sanitiser and hand soap.
Also Basmati rice which is damn right sad because a day without rice is a day wasted.
The people are in panic and fear mode, police neighbourhood patrols are in place and only 10 people are allowed into stores at once.

It's interesting how everyone handles it differently: Anxiety, Fear, Indifference.
At times like these it's easy to just detach yourself from reality and pretend it doesn't or will not affect you when it really does, watch another economic crisis in a month or so.
Stores and small businesses shutting down, healthcare usage overload: If you really think about it literally EVERYTHING relies on human-human contact in some way or another.
Good thing internet exists.

All we can do at times like these is stay inside, limit your contact with others and help anyone that needs help. Take this time to reflect on and be grateful for all the privileges you had up to this point.

Stay Safe Kids,
A x

Entry 12: Mum.

I have found people that understand me, life was beginning to get better again.
You know, i now have what the kids call a social life and stuff.
I am finally starting to open up to new people, not afraid to be myself.
I am brave.

But life has a funny way of turning the situation around when you least expect it.

I just got off the phone with my mum.
She told me she's not going to be in London when i come down for my dad's birthday.
I tried my hardest to make it sound as if im not crying, but i think we both knew what was up.
I could hear it in her voice too, i've heard it too many times.
Instead she's going to Poland for a private knee surgery.
And it's possible she'll be there for quite a while.
You know.. rehabilitation takes time, especially when it comes to knees.

Until she comes back i will do my best to support my dad as much as i can, he needs someone to reassure him things will be fine and that we can get through this.

Have a good day everyone.

Dear Trevor,

Im really bad at this updating thing aren't i?

I haven't written in a while.
To be fair i really got into doing work when i come back from uni, that way i do work everyday at uni and at home. I really want to do well and i am willing to work hard to achieve the best i can.

Yesterday i had a morning lecture at 10 and came home just before 7.. you can imagine how days go by. On my free days i try to catch up on sleeping then back to work it's a never ending cycle..

I got results for the first 3 modules (in trimester 1) got merits for all of them so im really happy.
Practical biology- over 70%
Physiology- over 70%
Life on earth (hated it so much)- 66.7%
Literally was so nervous to open it up online, honestly.

Im so glad you're getting help with your eating..to be honest i could recognise  eating disorder habits/ behaviours but i didn't want to scare you like that.

Also really happy about J getting his medication.. hopefully the effects last.

Love you a lot :)

Entry 11: The parcel.

When i was spending Christmas with my family i gathered a lot of gifts and bought some clothes.
There was no way of me fitting everything into my hand luggage.
So i sent a parcel to myself.
Harder than you think.
Getting everything out of the way and having everything sorted i awaited the van for a few days.
Yesterday, just before 5pm our buzzer rang while i was doing my tutorial work.
Of course i didn't register what happened until it was too late.
I looked outside my window and there was the guy carrying my parcel back to the van, i watched him leave without saying a word.
I knew i wouldn't have made it.
He drove away leaving my heart full of regret and sadness.