Entry 10: The intruder.

This happened this Monday.
First day back at uni since the Christmas holidays.
Naturally you want to spend some time catching up with your friends/roommates, the best place in my flat is the kitchen as you will always run into someone.
I was just done unpacking my stuff, and needed to wash my dirty clothes, fortunately our accommodation provides you with a washing machine in the kitchen.
Without a thought i left my room leaving the door unlocked as i walked down the corridor to the kitchen.
I stumbled upon Sheena, we talked for a bit then she left. I stayed in the kitchen as the washing machine was full of Iona's clothes so i couldn't exactly do anything at this point.
My mum calls me in the mean time, moments after i disconnect Iona walks in to get her clothes out.
We talk for a bit and i admit to her i was waiting for her to take them out.
She explained she had someone over and completely forgot about it.
Being the dummy i am, i obviously had to forget to take my laundry with me.
I go back and grab the clothes, upon turning around to the door a sudden realization swept past me.
Someone. Was. In. My. Room.
My drawer was open and there were 2 little boxes open on my bed, my things scattered.
I look in disbelief.
Someone went through my stuff, while i was not present.
They were looking for valuables not knowing those 2 boxes contained the most valuable things to me, a box with letters from friends and a box with things i collected while dating my current boyfriend.
My heart started beating so fast, i had no idea what to do; i had no idea did it
I quickly gathered the things and put them away where they were.
Got my clothes and locked the door behind me.
The main door to the flat was unlocked, my door was unlocked. Anyone could've just went in.

Entry 9: 2017

You know how people say; 'New year, new me'
Well that wont be the case with me, but i will strike to treat myself better than i did last year.
I have put up with so much crap its unbelievable, this year im going to think more about what's best for me and the people around me.

I decided that i will socialise and spend time with people,
no more wasting most of my free time in bed.
It was a cycle, you feel upset and unmotivated so you stay home in bed, which in turns upsets you as you're not initially doing anything with life.
I decided i will explore Edinburgh, just have one destination a week/ 2 weeks, if im going to be living here for the next 4 years i need to know the area and what it has to offer.
I will use my free time productively, i will do my work to the best of my ability.
I will respect myself, i will love myself.

Peace out.

I'm so tired of everything, I'm tired of feeling this way.. it's nearly 4am here.
I can't seem to get myself to sleep just yet.

Dear Trevor,

I am sorry for not trying hard enough to get in contact with you.
Everytime i miss a call from you i tell myself i'll call back in the evening when i am free, but i either forget or begin on doing something else.
I promised you we'd stay in touch but i never knew it would be this difficult.
The fact that i had 2 assignments due in this monday was not helping either because i literally spent everyday evening working on my poster and then during the weekend i worked on my final submission for the essay.
I called you today.. you didn't pick up. Hope you're not mad at me or anything because that would be the last thing i want..
I miss you. Like a lot.
I miss having you by my side whenever i need to talk..
I am so proud of you! you're a research assistant.. like wow! that's great :)
Glad you're settled in with all those nice people, i check your blog almost everyday.. dont think that i forgot about you or anything. It's really not like that at all.
I'm just kind of going through stuff at the moment, so much to sort out.
They finally scheduled my payments for finance but it's not really enough to pay for my accomodation.. like i'll probably end up working during december.. thank god for overdraft.
I hope you are well, and hope you're not finding uni challenging (probably not as you're the legendary Olugbemi Moronfolu xD)
I promise to get in touch soon.

Love,
Bob.

Entry 8: Money issues.

I still haven't gotten my finance.
Money's tight, I am deep in my overdraft and if I don't get money now on the 10th of December I will be over my limit.
I don't work, I would love to but it's so hard to do.
For now I just rely on my parents.. I cant be doing that for long.
I owe them so much money..
I just want everything to be over, I want things to be fine.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
I'm so GLAD I'm seeing them on Friday.
Funny story actually (by funny I mean it made me cry for a good 5 minutes straight)
I booked the wrong flight.. of course you cant cancel the flight with the airline I was using.. Just my luck I guess.. I feel really crap for doing this to them and not checking thoroughly.

Peace out.

Entry 7: Losing myself.

When you're settling down in a new place its easy to get busy with your own life.
Its easy to forget what you're all about, you easily get caught up with the crowd.

It feels like I'm losing myself.
Maybe that sounds harsh but it really feels like I am just slowly breaking apart.
The older I get the more I realise how corrupt todays mentality is, the more time I spend with people my age the more I realise how messed up teenagers are these days. It's really sad to stand by and watch it all knowing they don't see anything wrong with it.

What happened to my morals? what happened to my beliefs?
It's almost like I don't know myself anymore.
Who am I?

Peace out.

Entry 6: Getting a grasp.

I feel much better than I was feeling during Entry 5.
I always considered myself to have a thick skin and not at all an emotional person.
That was until I was maybe 15?
I feel as if that image completely shattered during end of Year 9/ start of Year 10 due to a difficult time I was having.
I definitely started crying more often and more openly.
It's good in some ways, I don't bottle it up as much.. I mean I still do bottle things up but it all comes out quicker if that makes sense and I'm more open to talk about my feelings than I used to be.
Unfortunately it's bad under every other aspect; like as time goes on I let things get to me more and more.

However I feel like I can overcome that, everyone has their weaker times.
I feel like this period in my life is a moment of weakness as well as growth as a person, a sort of journey of self discovery.

Gotta get back to work now, reflective report due in on Monday..

Peace out.