Ever feel like that lonely, grumpy pigeon that sits on a chimney during a chilly morning, trying warm up.. looking miserable while he's at it?
That's me right there.
I feel like growing up is just too much pressure, it's not that I'm irresponsible or somehow 'immature'.
Doesn't the idea of independence scare you a bit? I love independence, don't get me wrong.
It's just independence in the context of life that's very foreign to me.
I always depended on my parents.
Now, BAM I have to apply for a uni and get a student loan and then pay for accommodation and so on.
I guess starting on my personal statement calms me down a bit.
So there was this situation. During lunch we were sat in the library doing work and then a guy from my class comes and we start discussing courses we want to do. I said I wanted to do BioChemistry. And then he proceeds to say this:
"I originally wanted to be a doctor, but when i narrowed it down I looked at Biomedical sciences and biochemistry. Then I realised that all they do is just a lot of research and completing a course like that will not get you a job where you help people first hand. So I decided that Radiology is something I would want to do. Because you get to have that human to human contact"
I was just kind of there like.. that's so true. I will end up in a reasearch or analysis lab, when what I want to do is help people. Have just first hand communication with them.
It's just so difficult to choose what you want to do with life at the age of 17.
Our local Sainsbury's is opening after refurbishment, tomorrow at 9am.
*'Celebration Time' song in the background*
It's been closed for a week, mum was panicking about the shortage of milk in my household.
It's all good now, i can reunite with my beloved supermarché.
Why does French make everything sound nice and gracious?
Anyway, I have Psychology & Physics homework.
Peace out. Or "Bien, paix!"
Tuesday, 15 September 2015
Thursday, 10 September 2015
Isle of Wight- Camp experiences. (this is not finished but still a handful to read, thought i owe you this asap. Will update tomorrow.)
Very professional title. I like it. specific and straight to the point.
I'm going to break it down for you into segments. Just so you don't get confused. I tend to ramble on and mix stuff from different events together. So honestly, it's so that i don't get confused.
Day 1: Saturday
The Arrival
As soon as i got onto the ferry i was dreading it, i wanted to go back. as soon as i could. I was prepared to swim all the way back to Southampton. I'm always anxious to meet new people. It gets to the point where i will feel sick and dizzy. A whole week spent with strangers. I will be dependent on strangers. How cold my parents ever do something like that to me?
I wasn't alone of course. Martyna, Pawel, David and Daniel came with us.
I wasn't close with Martyna or anything, that's the thing. We talked but i didn't ever get a chance to KNOW her properly.
But this week she was stuck to me like glue and i didn't mind the slightest bit.
My first impressions: Wasn't what i expected. If only i knew what i expected. There was one massive tent with 2 big portacabins attached (kitchen and bathroom along side was a little building with staff toilets and a laundry room). Then there was approximately 3 tents for junior boys, 4 tent for senior boys, and 4 tents for senior girls. (All of the junior girls seemed to sleep in their own tents with their parents because staff had separate tents). Martyna & I got assigned to Senior Girls Tent number 3 .
We unpacked and set ourselves up, and left off to explore the site.
Turned out majority of people arrived a bit later so our little group of 5 was just hanging out on the grass.
Soon i came to the realisation that I was one of the oldest campers, in fact Martyna, Me and This guy Owen and I think 2 other girls were the only 17 year olds there. Keep in mind that was out of MANY people.
I sort of wish that I found out about the camp a little bit earlier.
I was literally exhausted. This is due to the fact that on Saturday i literally got home from holidays in Poland at past 3am, and had to wake up at 6am to pack up and set off t the camp Keep in mind that i haven't slept for the whole Friday-Saturday night because i was on the bus. And it's virtually impossible to sleep on a bus to a noise sensitive person.
3 more girls joined us in the tent. And let me tell you they packed giant suitcases compared to ours. They probably had assigned 2 outfits per day. My suitcase onle contained 7 shirts and 3 pairs of trousers.
So with 5 people in the tent we got a little squashed up, but i didn't really mind that.
After the evening meeting we sat down on a bench and then David comes with these other 3 guys and they just randomly show off their music skills. Which quickly turned into a whole camp-rock experience. (whoever hasn't watched 'Camp Rock' needs to watch it this minute) We were sitting in a circle singing songs in the dark of the night (there was a light coming from the massive tent which illuminated just enough to play) To my surprise the guys have really beautiful voices, like wow. I was blown away at how talented these people are.
Our little circle attracted more people and soon the numbers doubled. It was very soothing and a new experience that i am glad i experienced. We sat there for a good hour until one of the mentors told us to go to bed.
They say the first night at a camp is the worst and i will never disagree with the statement, in fact, i can prove it.
I stayed up all night sitting on my mattress my body shaking. Wishing i was someplace elsewhere I rocked back and forth in my thin sleeping bag. Martyna woke up to the sound of my chattering teeth and looked at me sleepily and then widened her eyes when she realised it was me. I chuckled under my breath as she went back to sleep. (she didn't remember this in the morning)
Day 2:
Loners
Unable to feel my feet i got up at 4am to shower.
With every step to the bathroom i felt a chill go through me. Luckly we had a tent that was the closest to the showers. The amount of moths and bugs was just truly unbelievable.
After the shower i got dressed and returned to the tent Martyna threw an look at me and accused me of not waking her up early to shower. We made a pact that we will wake each other up early to avoid congestion in the morning showers.
We were ready at 5am. Watching the sun Rise
Day 7: Saturday
Saying our goodbyes
It was a lazy day, simply because there was no activities planned and everyone knew they have to return home. On one hand i couldn't wait, on the other i wouldn't mind staying a bit longer.
They broke down the swimming pool (hay stacks) on the floor which made a big clump of hay so I decided to rest a bit because, surprise surprise.. the mattresses were not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, literally every morning when i woke up i was aching with my every move.
I slept in the hay for a good half an hour without even realising i was. It felt so nice. The smell of hay is my life,of course Pawel always has to ruin things for me. He woke me up so that i help pick rubbish up from the camp site, I was like: 'What have i ever done to you?'
After hard work we drank lemonade, it was the best lemonade i have ever tasted.
Of course it wouldn't be Pawel if he didn't leave his mattress and sleeping bag on the table, which a while later it was nowhere to be seen. The people from Watford must've mistaken it for theirs as they packed things in bulk. His fault.
After packing up our stuff and taking down our tent me and Martyna decided to chill in the hay.
And that was probably the most honest conversation i had in a while. We talked like old friends, she opened up and told me all about her problems. And i was just thinking how blessed i am to be in a situation i am in. I always think about what i don't have but it made me realise what i do have is far more precious.
When David and Daniels dad arrived, well i will be honest with you. I literally didn't want to leave.
Seeing as we had plenty of time till the ferry departure we headed for the beach, I obviously was in search of the funkiest pebbles with Martyna joining right beside me.
On the ferry i wanted to buy the playing cards Josh bought, with the images of Isle of Wight on them. They were only £1.75. And to my luck they were out of stock. It was a shame but i couldn't do anything about it.
As soon as i arrived home, i headed for my bedroom (which looked as if it just survived a total massacre) and i jumped into lovely bed exhausted by the week.
The End.
I'm going to break it down for you into segments. Just so you don't get confused. I tend to ramble on and mix stuff from different events together. So honestly, it's so that i don't get confused.
Day 1: Saturday
The Arrival
As soon as i got onto the ferry i was dreading it, i wanted to go back. as soon as i could. I was prepared to swim all the way back to Southampton. I'm always anxious to meet new people. It gets to the point where i will feel sick and dizzy. A whole week spent with strangers. I will be dependent on strangers. How cold my parents ever do something like that to me?
I wasn't alone of course. Martyna, Pawel, David and Daniel came with us.
I wasn't close with Martyna or anything, that's the thing. We talked but i didn't ever get a chance to KNOW her properly.
But this week she was stuck to me like glue and i didn't mind the slightest bit.
My first impressions: Wasn't what i expected. If only i knew what i expected. There was one massive tent with 2 big portacabins attached (kitchen and bathroom along side was a little building with staff toilets and a laundry room). Then there was approximately 3 tents for junior boys, 4 tent for senior boys, and 4 tents for senior girls. (All of the junior girls seemed to sleep in their own tents with their parents because staff had separate tents). Martyna & I got assigned to Senior Girls Tent number 3 .
We unpacked and set ourselves up, and left off to explore the site.
Turned out majority of people arrived a bit later so our little group of 5 was just hanging out on the grass.
Soon i came to the realisation that I was one of the oldest campers, in fact Martyna, Me and This guy Owen and I think 2 other girls were the only 17 year olds there. Keep in mind that was out of MANY people.
I sort of wish that I found out about the camp a little bit earlier.
I was literally exhausted. This is due to the fact that on Saturday i literally got home from holidays in Poland at past 3am, and had to wake up at 6am to pack up and set off t the camp Keep in mind that i haven't slept for the whole Friday-Saturday night because i was on the bus. And it's virtually impossible to sleep on a bus to a noise sensitive person.
3 more girls joined us in the tent. And let me tell you they packed giant suitcases compared to ours. They probably had assigned 2 outfits per day. My suitcase onle contained 7 shirts and 3 pairs of trousers.
So with 5 people in the tent we got a little squashed up, but i didn't really mind that.
After the evening meeting we sat down on a bench and then David comes with these other 3 guys and they just randomly show off their music skills. Which quickly turned into a whole camp-rock experience. (whoever hasn't watched 'Camp Rock' needs to watch it this minute) We were sitting in a circle singing songs in the dark of the night (there was a light coming from the massive tent which illuminated just enough to play) To my surprise the guys have really beautiful voices, like wow. I was blown away at how talented these people are.
Our little circle attracted more people and soon the numbers doubled. It was very soothing and a new experience that i am glad i experienced. We sat there for a good hour until one of the mentors told us to go to bed.
They say the first night at a camp is the worst and i will never disagree with the statement, in fact, i can prove it.
I stayed up all night sitting on my mattress my body shaking. Wishing i was someplace elsewhere I rocked back and forth in my thin sleeping bag. Martyna woke up to the sound of my chattering teeth and looked at me sleepily and then widened her eyes when she realised it was me. I chuckled under my breath as she went back to sleep. (she didn't remember this in the morning)
Day 2:
Loners
Unable to feel my feet i got up at 4am to shower.
With every step to the bathroom i felt a chill go through me. Luckly we had a tent that was the closest to the showers. The amount of moths and bugs was just truly unbelievable.
After the shower i got dressed and returned to the tent Martyna threw an look at me and accused me of not waking her up early to shower. We made a pact that we will wake each other up early to avoid congestion in the morning showers.
We were ready at 5am. Watching the sun Rise
Day 7: Saturday
Saying our goodbyes
It was a lazy day, simply because there was no activities planned and everyone knew they have to return home. On one hand i couldn't wait, on the other i wouldn't mind staying a bit longer.
They broke down the swimming pool (hay stacks) on the floor which made a big clump of hay so I decided to rest a bit because, surprise surprise.. the mattresses were not the most comfortable thing to sleep on, literally every morning when i woke up i was aching with my every move.
I slept in the hay for a good half an hour without even realising i was. It felt so nice. The smell of hay is my life,of course Pawel always has to ruin things for me. He woke me up so that i help pick rubbish up from the camp site, I was like: 'What have i ever done to you?'
After hard work we drank lemonade, it was the best lemonade i have ever tasted.
Of course it wouldn't be Pawel if he didn't leave his mattress and sleeping bag on the table, which a while later it was nowhere to be seen. The people from Watford must've mistaken it for theirs as they packed things in bulk. His fault.
After packing up our stuff and taking down our tent me and Martyna decided to chill in the hay.
And that was probably the most honest conversation i had in a while. We talked like old friends, she opened up and told me all about her problems. And i was just thinking how blessed i am to be in a situation i am in. I always think about what i don't have but it made me realise what i do have is far more precious.
When David and Daniels dad arrived, well i will be honest with you. I literally didn't want to leave.
Seeing as we had plenty of time till the ferry departure we headed for the beach, I obviously was in search of the funkiest pebbles with Martyna joining right beside me.
On the ferry i wanted to buy the playing cards Josh bought, with the images of Isle of Wight on them. They were only £1.75. And to my luck they were out of stock. It was a shame but i couldn't do anything about it.
As soon as i arrived home, i headed for my bedroom (which looked as if it just survived a total massacre) and i jumped into lovely bed exhausted by the week.
The End.
Pearty time!
I've decided to start skipping again, i like it because it takes my mind off things. Aaand it's also that i'm into weird crap and like to feel when my heart rate increases and i can feel the blood crculate my body.
The fact that my blood is taking up and delivering fresh oxygen to my cells get's me happy i suppose.
I got on the tank top my grandma gave me (it smells like her perfume), is it weird that i like some people's smells. Like everyone has their own distinct smell, i love my mum's smell and my grandma's smell. I guess i always liked smelling things like candles or i prefer the smell of food to the actual taste (unless it's freshly baked bread).
When i was taking a break..
*casually completing sudoku*
*a wild idea appears*
My internal monologue at that moment:
Since we have an apple and pear tree in my garden, with ripe fruits.. so like if i can take out the ladder from behind the shed and climb it and then pick the fruits.
That's not a bad idea, i woud have a pear party.. no! A PEARTY! *badum tss*
So i am indeed having a pearty, and i don't feel too eager to eat more than 3 because i feel a little sick.
Awkward moment of the day:
So there's this guy in college who does art and Salmo ships me with him (nobody can replace my fofo).
Anyway, he was sitting outside the college sketching the building and we were walking out of the college so i was like might as well take a look at the drawing but as soon as i did he looked up and i just did the most obvious 'totally wasn't looking at you- let me quicky look at that interesting tree' gesture.
And it wasn't even just the eye direction that i changed i proper held my hand up to my face and did the 'hmm- thinking' face you see on tv when the character is debating whether or not to buy an expensive car.
Whereas Mehwish said loudly: "Nice drawing guys."
And i couldn't help but laugh at the situation.
His shading was on point though.
I promised you guys blog entries from the camp. Don't worry, they're coming.
Peace out.
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
Camden.
Camden is such a cool place.
Went there last week with Martyna and my brother.
 |
| The stickers on the poles just made my day. |
And although its beautiful, i would consider it a dodgy place.
I mean who sell this in a mobile phone stand?
 | ||||
| (Legit photo I took from a stall) |
Guy1: Hey mate.
Pawel: Yeah?
Guy1:Smoke, smoke?
Pawel: Looks at him awkwardly.
Guy1: Best Ghanja in town.
And we kinda quickened the pace because i didn't know how long i could keep my laughter in.
I also took some cool shots alongside the canal:
Remember kids, don't go Camden alone... unless you want to get stoned.
It's so nice to be back. It's so nice to write down everything. I've missed this.
I said i took a break from blogging because i have a life but blogging is a part of my life.
There's a post on my camping experience coming up tomorrow simply because i wake up at 6:30am tomorrow, and it's pretty late now.
Peace out.
Guys, i'm still alive.
I'm so sorry i wasn't able to post, like so many things happening this summer.
I will address the matter of my summer holidays in several posts.
My camera battery finally came! I went hampstead heath aaanddd..
But, summer is over.
Had my first day at college today, second year is going to be tough but i am determined and motivated to do great this year.
Today turned out to be a pretty successful day, seeing familiar faces always makes me smile. Oh! I just love people! But i know this attitude towards them is going to change as we progress into the year.
Thought my last ID photo couldn't get any more ridiculously hilarious? I was wrong. Oh boy was I wrong!
 |
| First Year. |
 |
| Second Year. |
So many new faces!
It feels fresh.
Unfortunately FOFO left. Sad life. On the bright sun tough this year there's more to choose from... am i objectifying boys?? Im sorry to all of the guys out there for my terrible thoughts.
I've started reading a survival guide on how to survive a zombie outbreak, needless to say it's one of my favourites! And it has diagrams and everything.
It's actually really interesting, i love movies about zombies but the book just opened my eyes as to how unrealistic the scenarios are.
Amelia bought me a sudoku book when she was on holidays and it's i Serbian! How cool is that?
Peace out.
Sunday, 12 July 2015
Guess who's back.
So it's been a while, huh?
I've been busy with life. Yeah it surprised me too, i have a social life.. sort of.
I've been feeling so bad about abandoning my responsibilities, and abandoning you my fellow reader. i am sorry i failed you, but i'm back on track.
Sitting here, sipping my herbal tea at 10pm on a Sunday evening, it feels nice as it was raining today and the smell of rain is lingering in the air.. yuuum. Do i have a smell fetish or something? hah
I just love smelling things.
Saturday was truly a lot of fun. One of the best days I've had lately.
In the morning i met up with Trevor and her sisters to watch Paddington Bear in the outside cinema. To be honest i've never been to an outside cinema before, i had to choose; watching Terminator Genesys in a cinema (which i've been really looking forward to) or watch paddigton with Trevor.
I chose Trevor. And it was worth it.
In the evening I went to a campfire my church organised in the Epping Forest. It was so cool, like honestly I didn't thing i would enjoy it that much.
 |
| Me trying my hardest to take a selfie without a front camera on my phone. |
 |
| Derpy selfie while collecting wood. |
Agata: *Sees a small slide near the swings, but also notices 2 kids playing on it*
Agata: "Pawel, hold my things I'm going on the slide and i will be right back"
Pawel: "Dude, no you're not." *tries to hold me back but fails*
Agata: *Runs towards the swing like she's completely lost her marbles*
Kids: *notice me but avoid eye contact*
Agata: "Hi guys! can i have a go after you're done?"
Kid 1: "yeah.. but you're big.."
Agata: "So? Please just once?"
Kid 2; "but.. this slide.. it's broken so you can't go on it."
Agata: *laughs under breath* "C'mon guys, allow it. I wont take long."
Kid 1: "Fiiinne."
Agata: *slides down* "weeeeeee."*runs off*
 |
| Here's a banana i have successfully "baked" over the fire. |
When i woke up this morning, my muscles were really sore. But none the less i was content.
Peace out.
Wednesday, 1 July 2015
just a lil' explanation.
Don't worry I'm alive. I haven't been posting for a while, but honestly my thoughts are all over the place.
I am just a shaky mess, my heart is beating unbelievably hard against my rib cage to the point it hurts a little.
I wish i could explain everything. I just don't seem to find the right words.
Why do i do this to myself? why do i push people away?
I forcing myself to believe people are better off without me, that i'm simply a bore and that i am not needed.
Wonder why i don't write back to texts or answer your calls? It's not that i don't want to talk, it's actually the opposite. I just, things just pile up and i shut myself out. I don't want anyone to feel obliged to sink down with me, i don't want sympathy, I don't want to worry you.
i'm so sorry.
Peace out.
I am just a shaky mess, my heart is beating unbelievably hard against my rib cage to the point it hurts a little.
I wish i could explain everything. I just don't seem to find the right words.
Why do i do this to myself? why do i push people away?
I forcing myself to believe people are better off without me, that i'm simply a bore and that i am not needed.
Wonder why i don't write back to texts or answer your calls? It's not that i don't want to talk, it's actually the opposite. I just, things just pile up and i shut myself out. I don't want anyone to feel obliged to sink down with me, i don't want sympathy, I don't want to worry you.
i'm so sorry.
Peace out.
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