Guess who's back.

So it's been a while, huh?

I've been busy with life. Yeah it surprised me too, i have a social life.. sort of.

I've been feeling so bad about abandoning my responsibilities, and abandoning you my fellow reader. i am sorry i failed you, but i'm back on track.

Sitting here, sipping my herbal tea at 10pm on a Sunday evening, it feels nice as it was raining today and the smell of rain is lingering in the air.. yuuum. Do i have a smell fetish or something? hah
I just love smelling things.

Saturday was truly a lot of fun. One of the best days I've had lately.
In the morning i met up with Trevor and her sisters to watch Paddington Bear in the outside cinema. To be honest i've never been to an outside cinema before, i had to choose; watching Terminator Genesys in a cinema (which i've been really looking forward to) or watch paddigton with Trevor.
I chose Trevor. And it was worth it.

In the evening I went to a campfire my church organised in the Epping Forest. It was so cool, like honestly I didn't thing i would enjoy it that much.

Me trying my hardest to take a selfie without a front camera on my phone.

I helped gathering wood for the fire (which consisted of trying to walk past a field of giant stinging nettles in shorts),spent time on some intense badminton sessions and occupied the swings so children couldn't go on it.. muahahah.

Derpy selfie while collecting wood.

Ok here's a quick description of what happened as soon as we arrived:
Agata: *Sees a small slide near the swings, but also notices 2 kids playing on it*
Agata: "Pawel, hold my things I'm going on the slide and i will be right back"
Pawel: "Dude, no you're not." *tries to hold me back but fails*
Agata: *Runs towards the swing like she's completely lost her marbles*
Kids: *notice me but avoid eye contact*
Agata: "Hi guys! can i have a go after you're done?"
Kid 1: "yeah.. but you're big.."
Agata: "So? Please just once?"
Kid 2; "but.. this slide.. it's broken so you can't go on it."
Agata: *laughs under breath* "C'mon guys, allow it. I wont take long."
Kid 1: "Fiiinne."
Agata: *slides down* "weeeeeee."*runs off*

Here's a banana i have successfully "baked" over the fire.

I ended up falling asleep at 2 am.
When i woke up this morning, my muscles were really sore. But none the less i was content.

Peace out.

just a lil' explanation.

Don't worry I'm alive. I haven't been posting for a while, but honestly my thoughts are all over the place.

I am just a shaky mess, my heart is beating unbelievably hard against my rib cage to the point it hurts a little.

I wish i could explain everything. I just don't seem to find the right words.

Why do i do this to myself? why do i push people away?

I forcing myself to believe people are better off without me, that i'm simply a bore and that i am not needed.

Wonder why i don't write back to texts or answer your calls? It's not that i don't want to talk, it's actually the opposite. I just, things just pile up and i shut myself out. I don't want anyone to feel obliged to sink down with me, i don't want sympathy, I don't want to worry you.

i'm so sorry.

Peace out.

Immense shoe hunt and a quest for A3 paper.

I woke up at 8:10am, which is unusual as i do not wake up that early during my summer holiday. But i will try to keep that up as i realise that i miss out on so much stuff wasting my time on sleeping.

I met up with Trevah in the library today, which was fun. The Wembley library is like a hot spot for us (not counting the wembley central bus stop). She gave me some belated birthday gifts along which lay some glow in the dark stars (gonna test them out later if they actually work).
She was slightly late but that's fine as long as i got to see her, besides that gave me a little time to choose some cool books out which i look forward to reading in my spare time).

Mum gave me £45 to spend on 2 pairs of casual shoes, Trevah and I browsed through the Clarks outlet without success and decided it would be best if we made a short trip to Greenford shopping centre to the best shop that is out there (Hobby Craft of course, it's like heaven on earth).

Played a game of hide and seek while talking with fascination about the wide assortment colour pencils, yes that was quite a thrill :P 
We're stationery geeks. If those existed then count us in!

Followed by another shoe shop trip failure, but at least we could share a view on how men's shoes are made much better than women's shoes. Like just take a look next time you're in a shoe shop. And that's how i realised it's probably best to go with my mum next time because i'm a sucker for making decisions, also there's the fact that i absolutely loathe clothes shopping.

We took a short break at McDonald's for ice-cream and apple pie. We split it in half just for Trevor to realise she forgot her phone somewhere (this moment has a name it's called a Trevor moment.. well just instead of Trevor I say her real name). She ran out and made her way back to the shops where we just came from, just left me there worried. I looked through her stuff just to make sure it wasn't hiding under piles of notebooks and crap (in a nice kind of way) she carries with her at all times.
She eventually found her phone lying on top of shoes on the shelf.
We exited the place with paper minion headgear and a stolen newspaper magazine (it has sudoku in it, that's the only reason.. nevermind i was dying with laughter).

On the bus journey back we have concluded that Trevor is treated like my secret boyfriend, but except that she's a girl and there's no reason for me to keep her secret from my family. She's just really annoyed she can't see my garden, but the truth is that i don't want her to see my family because they tend to be sort of odd and crazy.

4 hours later I am back home. I finally have a bit of time for myself so I sit down in my garden wrapped in my older brothers hoodie and sipping honey-lemon tea while reading a book (i am on page 157 so far).

My dad bought a new oven so it wasn't peaceful, it was frantic. He was running with his saw, cutting the table top down so it would fit our bigger oven. I had saw dust in my eyes and in my tea, still edible though.

When it got a bit chilly outside and the oven was nicely fitted in my kitchen I decided to water the plants and step inside the house.

I was vacuuming the kitchen and generally downstairs of the house while squeaks and terrifying moans (something similar to the sound of an ill parrot) that somehow resembled the song 'My heart will go on' from the titanic escaped my throat. 
As the vacuum cleaner is loud i thought no one would hear me but first my mum just looked up from what she was doing and gave me an 'Are you Okay?' look and secondly when i stopped vacuuming my brother shouted from the garden 'Agata, you do realise that everyone in the neighbourhood can hear you?' 

I feel like i write about small details that you're tired of reading.. 
One more thing, I promise.

My mum shouted from downstairs that someone called me on my phone, upon running down the stairs i find out that it was my dad calling me.
His excuse was: 'You would never have made me tea otherwise'
To which my response was: 'Dad, that was so lame..' And i cracked up laughing as i reached for some tea in our kitchen cupboard.

Peace out.
 

Sweating Pits.

The school year is coming to an end and I feel as if this year has gone simply too fast.
It certainly changed me as a person, i was able to work outside of my comfort zone to achieve goals and meet new people.

Change is not always welcome in our lives, it makes us uncertain of what there is to come but the change also  just pushes us out of the nest so we can figure out ourselves to fly in the strong winds.

My plans for holidays do not come into life till the second half of July so i have plenty of time to play Professor Layton on my Nintendo DS and maybe meet up with some friends in the scorching hot weather (trust me 20 degrees celsius is boiling in the UK, i honestly do not know what i am going to do in Poland because the temperatures there reach like 34 degrees). Let's just say that i will definately get a tan.

I was not always a summer person, in fact i hated the spherical ball of plasma that our planet orbits.
But when this winter came i thought i might get frost bite and i missed the time when my pits would seat from sitting outside in the shadow with my cousins.
(Too much information? yeah.. i think so too).

Peace out guys and enjoy summer while it lasts.

Rejoice people!

For those 5 people who have read my deleted blog post, don't worry i am feeling much better.
Sometimes i have these moments where i completely break down and just loose it.

If I was to be honest with you, you would want to continue following my updates in the blog.
I try my hardest to keep this a cheerful blog with a dash of awkward on the side, but that cannot be always the case.

Theoretically i have ended my college year today, but practically i am still coming in tomorrow and i am staying there till 4pm.

Zuhair bought a chocolate cake for his birthday to college (even tough his birthday is like towards the end of june). Let's just say i have done a lot of whistling and dancing today when i was walking around the college corridors.

I was walking down the steps with Salmo and there was 1 girl and 2 boys walking past, they were talking about us in sign language! How cool is that? i would totally love to learn to speak in sign language.

My plans for summer holidays include brushing up my French vocabulary so i can have discussions with Mariam next year, i will definitely be looking forward to that.

*SHOUTOUT* My friend decided to write her own blog, give her a warm welcome: www.aspiranthuman.blogspot.com

Peace out.

P.S: Trevor, i think i might be going slightly insane without you, i truthfully don't know what is wrong with me. You probably don't even care as you don't read my blog posts anymore. That's OK, but if there is a slight chance you're reading this: I miss you.

It's just not fair that i don't get to see you as often as i would like.

Amélie

Due to a popular demand.. nope.. just one person. But a very demanding person, I am going to talk about the interesting character of Amelia.

Amelia is my bus buddy, we live like 10 minutes from each other so naturally we get the same bus.

Let's start from the beginning first, beginning are generally a good place to start.

First day in College, but on the other campus. Shitting my pants to be honest, didn't know what to expect. Had no clue what i was doing with my life.
Luckily i had Chenai (or Ohini) to show me where my classroom is, i have no idea what i would do without her honestly.

Biology, I come inside of the classroom late. I can just feel the looks burning into my body, I was not welcome there. I have actually never experienced being completely new, I always knew at least a person in my class.

At that point It's almost as if i had a giant lump in my throat, I am not the sort of person who cries publicly (please exclude the part in The Hobbit where Kili and Thorin die and I burst into tears like a little baby inside the cinema OR the part where in 'The boy in the striped pyjamas' the gas chambers are left empty at the end of the film). I just sort of bite the inside of my lip and apparently look 'lost'.
It was 6 weeks into the year, everyone obviously made friends. And knowing me, nobody would want to be friends with me.

First impression count, right?
Well.. let's just say in Amelia's case it didn't count for good.
You asked me to be honest..
I don't really remember what her nickname was for me, it might've been along the lines of  'that blonde girl'.
That was kind of upsetting, you know it's kind of degrading when a person doesn't even want to make the effort to learn the simplest of things about yourself; such as your own name.
We had an early break and I coincidentally saw the  2 people out of 4 people I knew on the campus; Matthew and Slay.
I told them about my first day at college, yup I made sure to include all the details.
She was the loudest, and i have automatically marked her as 'loud rude girl I am probably not going to get on with'.
And I can gladly say I was wrong.
The following day (Tuesday) I sat down and Amelia asks out of nowhere: ''You know Matthew?'' and I said ''Yeah''.
Then she proceeded to update my database and told be about how she used to go Cadets with him and they haven't seen each other in a while. I honestly had no idea that they know each other, if i did then i wouldn't have told Matthew anything.

Skip forward 5 days..
On my way to college I got on the 182 and literally look back from my seat, she's sitting behind me. My stomach dropped. I kept my cool though, I am pretty good at keeping my cool. I decided to say 'Hi'. It was still kind of awkward.

We talked and i think what we really bonded over is the fact that both of us shop mainly at the local Sainsbury's. Like better than that! She lives next to Sainsbury's.

Skip forward few weeks..
 We now get the bus together. Even on the mornings, I decided to throw Trevah into the cocktail too. All 3 of us met up.

Skip forward a lotta weeks..
 We discuss Metro articles together, when she's sleepy in the morning she rest her half-a-tonne head on my shoulder and occasionally even walk home together, like you know .. exercise.

The reason why I wrote the time line above is to give you an insight of the development that took place over the year. It's the little things that change everything, I have definitely learnt that in this case. She is definitely not what i expected her to be.

As for Amelia herself:
She is truly an interesting character, even if i don't think i will ever truly understand her.
She giggles like a hamster that is being strangled (I love her laugh, seriously)  but it suits her.
Did I mention she wears shoes that have kittens on them? She has a matching hat! I mean.. how cute is that?
Drinking coffee every morning (Made from 8 teaspoons of coffee),She smells of coffee, cat hair and grapefruits.
On one hand she's obnoxious and loud but on the other she's pretty sensitive (she doesn't like showing that side but i know it's there somewhere) and has a good sense of humor.
That adds to her charm I guess.
I would say she is really open about a lot of stuff and I feel as if the range of topics we can discuss is pretty broad and i think that's what i like in people.

Alright, I bet you had enough now.
Peace out.

Mission Abort!

I have seen my Fofo in the morning, I have come into college 30 minutes early and headed for canteen with Amelia.


It didn't take me long to see Samira sitting at one of the canteen tables, I sat down and proceeded to engage in a conversation with her.
Little did I know, the curly haired guy was sitting at the opposite side of the canteen with his mates. Munching on a banana.
I immediately recognised this funky being and watched as he sits on the table.
He has the cutest smile.


I told Samira: 'He's eating a banana, I have a banana in my bag.. IT'S MEANT TO BE'.
Like we have so much in common; we both like bananas.. that's about it :')


I told Mehwish and Salmo in chemistry about what happened and they had to listen to me go on about him.. Until Christian overheard us.
C:'Who are you guys talking about?' (honestly it's not a secret anymore plus I don't mind him knowing).
A:(I hesitate) 'This cute guy'.
C:'You should talk to him' (I give him a look) 'Why not?'
A:'Why would I?, he doesn't know me and I don't know him. I should just leave it'
C:'You've got nothing to loose, as you said he's leaving next year..so..' (this kind of makes me think, but I am openly admitting to being a coward. I could never do that, even if I wanted to) 'Plus if he's a nice guy he won't reject you, if he's a douche then he will.'
A:'I am not so sure..'


After chemistry we went to the library and Salmo saw her Prince Charming.
I went biology with Marina and she explained a physics assignment to me, out of nowhere Salmo jumps out (panting and incredibly happy)
S:'He's there! He's in the library, upstairs! C'mon!'
We walked quickly to the library where the rest of the gang have thought out a master plan.


In chemistry there is an assignment where you have to give people questionnaires to fill out, and Mehwish was sick so she is giving it in late.
The questionnaire was a perfect cover up for finding out more about him, like his name and age along with what scientific subject he likes best :').


The questions were printed out, it was time!
We headed upstairs and honestly I wasn't to keen on the idea.. they wanted me to ask him to fill it out. I would probably chicken out.
I pretended that I am sorting out my folder so Mehwish had some mercy and went up to him.
I couldn't look, I honestly couldn't.


He declined filling it out. YUP, he said NO!!1!1!




I mean.. kinda rude. But I understand that he had work to do as the end of the year is always stressful.


As soon as Mehwish told me he said no, I began giggling uncontrollably. I had to get out of there or I would blow my cover!


We went to the bottom level of the library and we were talking about it when Christian heard us and asked how it went.
The answer was: Not good.
He offered to force the guy to answer my questions so we described the guy to him.
We were ready and prepared for it but as soon as we exited the bottom floor doors, fofo's class comes out and I whisper loudly 'Mission: Abort'.


The rest of the gang did as they are told as they saw him walking out, we immediately went outside and while he was walking out they were whispering: 'That's him, that's him'


Maryam just pinched me and moved her eyes over to where he's walking.
Mehwish told Christian: 'Go after him! Go after him'
While Mariam was just making scenarios in her head she wants me to go up to him and say: 'Hey! is your name Kevin? You look like a Kevin'
To which I responded with a splutterous laugh and walked out of the circle to catch my breath.


'Why am I friends with you people?'
I love them really.


Peace out.