Since my mum is in Poland, I took the position of a manager in this house.
It's actually kind of fun as it will prepare me for when i move out. I had no idea there's so much to worry about in a single house and so much to take care of.

It's a valuable experience, plus i get to sing out loud HSM songs when I'm vacuuming.

I've also started to enjoy cooking, it's really satisfying to make something out of random ingredients.
I see it kinda as i see art. You get ingredients which would be various pencils, pens and paper and you make a masterpiece with it.

Peace out.

Crushed to death... with a heel.

How's my half-term going?
Honestly, it's already Friday and i haven't been out of the house much. Literally been out like 3-4 times for maximum 30 mins.

Trevor went NCS but she's back and i'm going to her showcase tomorrow, should be fun.
I'm kind anxious as i don't know anyone there and she's gonna have newly made friends around her and i'm just gonna stand there admiring the wall. Maybe i am just overthinking.

Without her i realised i don't go out much at all. It's weird.

I've completed like 2 games and binge-watched a show about a dance studio and all of the drama happening between the people in the team. I only watched the third season but i roughly caught on with what was happening, i didn't watch it for the drama.. i watched it for the dance sequences. I guess dance is my secret weakness, to be honest all art forms are amazing.

The other day i stayed up till late and went to brush my teeth at like 1:20am, so i was just inside the bathroom with the lights off as the street light outside the bathroom window gave enough light to see anything. I was just happily brushing and then i see a dark blob moving in the corner of my eye. I turned to the side where the bath tub was and it was still unclear what it was so i kinda leaned over the bath so take a closer look. It moved slightly and i nearly got a heart attack, with the toothbrush in one hand i raced to my room to get a torch.
I turned it on only to discover that there was a huge spider on the wall, my heart pounding and foam dripping from my mouth i had to think of a plan to get rid of it. It had thick dark brown legs and honestly i've never seen a spider like that ever before. It must've got in through the open window in the bathroom.
I was just thinking to myself: "It better not be some kind of jumping spider or i'm out of here"
 (I did some research and its common name is "Cupboard spider" or "false black widow", for those daring people go search 'Steatoda Grossa' in google. Fortunately it was a male, females are bigger.)

Anyway so i decided to take action, i had a big bottle of water in my room so i kinda poured it all over the spider so it goes down the drain, or at least doesn't come back up.

First 2 seconds of my plan went fine until the spider literally came back from the dead and climbed up the shower cable with it's fat yet swift legs. I was just freaking out as i did not expect it to do that. I just stood there and couldn't move, if only i had a shoe with me.. i couldn't go downstairs as my dad was sleeping so i had to grab my mums heels from the wardrobe which were the only shoes i could hope for.
I charged at it as quietly as i could and mercilessly murdered the bugger.
Then i was just whispering to its corpse: "yeah, that's right. I better not find your cousins in my room or the same fate will meet them. Understood?"
Keep in mind that i was still trembling from the adrenaline.


I am definitely the backbone of my family, i have courage flowing in my veins.

I left the dead body in the bathtub so i can show my little brother the size of it , he's really scared of spiders. It was fun telling him my heroic adventure in the morning.

Remember, fear can be overcome.

Peace out.

Unrequited Love.

Trevor is spending the entire week at NCS.. in Wales.
So i'm just stuck here doing my coursework...

That reminds me of a certain situation that took place nearly a year ago, like last late October/Early November.
so i went to NCS and to my dismay discovered that a certain someone is going too.
That threw me a bit off guard as i went to the same high school as the certain someone, and haven't seen him around a lot even tough he went to harrow on the hill during the 6 week induction.
both of us were transferred to the Weald Campus but he did a little earlier.

Trevor spoke to him more than i did so she kinda knew that he has a thing for me but i never really gave it much thought.
We went Wales together, we were on different teams but we saw each other more than enough.
I didn't know anyone there so i kinda stuck to him for the first couple of hours.
Basially one thing led to another and next thing i know is that he confessed to me over Whatsapp (A bit of an advice, never confess to anyone via text. Do it in person.)

Looking back at my Screenshots, it's so cringy. I can't believe a year has gone by. Basically I was really rude.
Want an example?

Pretty harsh, huh?

I have hurt his feelings and that's what i hate most about my 16 year old self, i was just insensitive to other people. 

It takes guts to post a screenshot of something like that on the internet.

Peace out.

Count your blessings.

I am truly blessed with the people in my life, I love you fellow reader.
I feel better now, grandma just needs to get her heart restored to normal functioning as her liver regenerating medicine has quite serious side-effects.
But all is better, and that's what counts.

When i feel sad i like to listen to sad music, i know Trevor does this too. I remember in year 11 when she really wasn't ok she used to listen to Florence and walk with her hair down and just avoided everyone.
What i found out from experience is that when you feel sad, it's worth spending time with people who make you feel happy and wanted. Don't retreat into your own bubble.

Peace out.

Deal with it.

It's always me that has to be strong, i hate to cry.
Lately i just have to force stop myself from bursting out in tears.
Every time i hear news about her or even someone mentions her in a conversation.
I just want to lock myself in a room and never come out again.
My biggest regret is not telling people how much they mean to me, it's just hard for me to show my feelings because I'm the sort of person that laughs at their brother's tears when watching Titanic.

Sometimes it's hard. Life is hard and we learn to deal with it.

Peace out.

To be honest..

I haven't been honest, by that i mean i haven't told you everything.
My grandma is in hospital, again.
Each doctor is saying something else.
It's either: 'Her condition is improving' or 'She has a few days left.'
Don't really know what i should do.
I never experienced death of someone close, i can already tell it's not going to be light.

Peace out.

obsesselfie. (i tried ok?)

I get called 'old-fashioned' because i don't take out my phone at every opportunity possible.
I've read this article/post a week ago and it's so true, people are so addicted to phones and technology it's mad. It's worth checking out: Link below
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/photographer_removes_smartphones_from_images_to_show_how_obsessed_we_are_wi

Just because i choose to actually have face to face interactions with people instead of staring at a screen for half of my life texting random bull crap or checking what other people are up to, i don't need that. To be honest the only thing i need my phone for is listening to music and answering calls from my mum (Yes, im that sad. Fight me about it.)
All im saying is that it's a bit stupid if you're sitting at a table with your friends and all of them are doing something on their phone. how sick is that? why don't you talk people?

Like, our generation is so freaking vain. The amount of selfies and just trying to look good for other people is too much for me. I will look shit if i want to look shit I don't give a crap if your eyes hurt from looking at me. The lack of interaction/communication together with this constant goal of achieving 'perfectness' is honestly distasteful.
This constant chase after the newest gadgets too, just because someone has an old phone he is perceived as lesser than anyone else? wake up people.

End of rant. Lol just needed to get this off my chest.