Holidays.

This always happens during the half-terms.
I went out with Trevor on Wednesday which was a nice change but then it just went downhill.
It's like i can't be trusted with myself any more, during the half-term i always shut out my friends and family, a 'sad loner' part of me comes out and takes charge.
It's easier to separate yourself from others, but it's better to keep trying to be social.
I hate myself for doing this, I don't answer calls, I don't reply to messages regularly.. Like i might even take a look at the message, I just do not reply.

I start to lock away in this sort of box that nobody can access and it looks like i find the key on the first Monday back in school.

It's like i do not want to be a part of my own life any more, i just want run away from everything.

Anyone else ever feels like this? I hope not, I hope you're happy. I really do.

Peace out.

P.S: I just feel so stressed lately, I barely sleep and have so much coursework to do for tomorrow.

3rd June 2015 update:

Half- term is a very emotionally exhausting time for me, there are so many positive things to half-terms like:
-Staying in bed later than usual
-Meeting up with friends, this time not in college
-Going on family outings

On the other hand, during half-terms I feel very.. I don't know lonely.
It's not even like i try to reach out to people, I just do not make any attempt to communicate with people unless forced to.

What's worse though; my 'high-school student' radar is overheating at a time of the day its shouldn't.
They emerge onto the streets as if they do not know what to do with themselves and I'm not even talking about the 'average-student', I'm talking about 'Gangeester/ Swagmeister/ badgyals' high school attendants.
I loath them with a passion, but sometimes when I think it through I feel sorry for them.
They are nothing beyond fancy clothes and bad attitude, they are lost children trying to fit into the society standards of being 'cool'.
Girls wear inappropriate clothing and heavy make up, just to appeal to the boys.
Boys however are encouraged to swear and act aggressively, just so that they can prove that they are not a coward.

Those kids just want to catch the scraps of respect gained from their peers, kids that are rushed into growing up.

When I was at that age I considered sneaking food into the library a thug thing to do, I guess it depends on the person. Some people are easily influenced, others are not.

I guess moral of this story is:
Don't try to be someone else in front of another person.
It doesn't matter if you're eating a sandwich with ketchup slowly dripping down your chin, be you!
Don't grow up too fast, take your time.
Screw peer pressure and fitting in. Why can't you stand out?
What's so wrong in being different.

Peace out.